It’s not just the ladies that travel the road of rejection to the man for their lives. Gentlemen, sometimes we travel that road, too. Esther serves as a prime candidate of a Godly woman. But how can we end up with a lady like Esther? I bet King Xerxes would agree that rejection can help us accomplish this. Perhaps you’re familiar with his story.
King Xerxes throws a party for his officials and servants. He asks for Vashti, his Queen, to grace the occasion (Esther 1:1-11 ESV). She refused (Esther 1:12). He was embarrassed and angry — so much so that his advisors counseled him to dethrone her and find someone else better than her (Esther 1:16-22). He adhered to their directives and began to search for someone better. That’s how he ended up with Esther. The snub Xerxes experienced from Vashti opened the door for him to find and end up with Esther.
The significance of Vashti and Esther’s names and their stories give us more glimpses on why God uses rejection to help us find our mates. Vashti means “beautiful”; Esther means “star.” Vashti makes her cameo in the first chapter of Esther. But Esther shows up in chapter two of her own book. Their initial intros into their respective chapters pertain directly to who they were. The women are in sharp contrast to each other. Vashti is the Queen. She is beautiful. She begins as royalty. In contrast, we hear of Hadassah, who lost her parents. She’s a peasant. She starts off with tragedy.
How is this significant? Well, many of us guys make bad choices when choosing women. Ladies, please, you don’t have to say “duuuh.” Vashti represents the girl that first gets our attention. She’s the girl that stands out in the crowd. She’s appealing, glamorous, and catches our eyes first. She’s the girl the guys are talking about. She’s the girl overshadowing Esther. Vashti is the dominating figure that shows up first in chapter one. Yet, Esther first shows up in chapter two … her own book.
Esther is the decent, Godly woman who doesn’t stand out in the beginning. She’s the faithful, God-fearing lady who does not appeal to you the first time you see her. She is the girl you side-step and overlook because you’re distracted and infatuated with Vashti. Esther is the girl you should be falling over yourself to go out with. But because she doesn’t stand out to you the first time you see her, you dismiss her, and bend over backwards to go out with Vashti. And of course, Vashti ends up breaking your heart. That’s if she did not blow you off in the first place.
Vashti is beautiful, but Esther is a star. All stars are beautiful but all beautiful people are not stars. The light of Christ resonates in the Esthers of this world. They shine. They illuminate any darkness around you, like Esther exposed the darkness of the doorkeepers who wanted to kill Xerxes and the deceitfulness of Haman, who wanted to annihilate the Jews (Esther 2:21-23; 7:1-10).
Esther is the diamond in the rough. Guys, if you want the diamond, you need to go through the rough to get her. If you just spent time with Hadassah, the girl that is a shining light but does not appeal to you on first impression, you might discover that she is indeed a star. Esther. You’ll find out that there is more to her than meets the eye. You’ll discover that she’s not just Hadassah; she’s Esther, and she far outshines Vashti. Investing time to know her will offer you the opportunity to discern this and see her reflect the diamond that she is.
Some of us guys don’t have that wisdom. That’s why God hires rejection to tutor us. Please no offense to you ladies who go by the name “Vashti.” It’s a beautiful name. Notwithstanding I’m just using her as a representation of the kind of woman some of us guys fall prey to. I’m also unearthing nuggets from her interaction with the king.
Esther and Vashti represent two kinds of women; a woo-man and a woe-man. A woo-man woos her man. Esther is a woo-man; she wooed her king and husband (Esther 5:1-8; 7:1). A woe-man brings woe to her man. Vashti is a woe-man. She brought woe to her husband and could have incited other women to bring reproach to their husbands too (Esther 1:17-18).
Gentlemen, God uses rejection to get you from a woe-man who ignores you to a woo-man who wants to be with you. He uses rejection to get you from a woe-man who is selfish to a woo-man who is selfless. He uses it to deliver you from a lady who throws a party for herself to a lady who throws a party for you (Esther 1:9; 5:1-8; 7:1). Rejection is used to get you from a lady who seeks her own interests, embarrasses you, and does not want to be in your presence to a lady who seeks, not only your interests, but the interests of others, honors you, and seeks God with prayer and fasting to find favor in your eyes (Esther 4:16).
Guys, how many of us have sense enough to discern such a rare gem? Not many of us. So, God employs rejection to assist us. My friend, has someone been coming up in your mind since I’ve been describing Esther? And, even Vashti? Can you relate with King Xerxes? Are you a man of influence and a man of God? Are you one of the few good men who’s been rebuffed by women and wondering why this is happening to you when you’re living and doing right?
Be encouraged, my man. God is just setting you up for your Esther. She might not be a queen, a leader, or a person on whom the hopes of a nation rest. But she will honor, appreciate, celebrate and pray for you. She will seek God on your behalf. She will protect you. She will bring out the best in you, like Esther did for Xerxes. Sometimes, the way to that kind of woman is the road less travelled.
The rejections I experienced set me on the course to learn these truths. Ladies and gentlemen, rejection is not a wall that blocks your path; it’s an arrow that directs it. Being rejected is not the end of your life; it’s just a means to an end for your life. And that end is your destiny. So, be encouraged to know that God is using your rebuffs to get you from someone who does not belong to you to someone who will be longing for you.