Even Ruth had to be sanctified or set apart completely before she could marry Boaz. She went through some of the five steps of sanctification that I discussed previously before she got set up with Boaz. Let’s look at how she was set apart for Boaz.

Her sanctification started when she left Moab to reside in Israel. She set herself apart from her homeland and ended up in the vicinity where her husband resided. Just like Adam was moved from the dust of the earth and placed in the Garden of Eden, Ruth was put, placed, positioned, moved, set in Israel—apart from Moab. That was her step 1.

Her step 3, not step 2, occurred right after her mother-in-law, Naomi encouraged her to hook up with Boaz. She told her to:

…wash yourself and anoint yourself, put on your best garment and go down to the threshing floor…. (Ruth 3:3 NKJV)

Obviously looking and smelling good is important to attract someone. Notwithstanding let’s look at some finer points from that statement. If you recall, I mentioned that one of the synonyms for sanctify is wash. Ruth was told to wash herself. Like I discussed previously, when we leave an environment, chances are that we brought part of that environment with us. Ruth left Moab but she took part of Moab with her. Before she could espouse Boaz she had to wash Moab from herself.

More specifically, she had to get rid of the past that she brought along with her. In this case, I’m talking about the memory of her husband. You see, Ruth was previously married to Mahlon in Moab. But Mahlon died in Moab (See Ruth 1:1-5). And in Old Testament times, the way people dressed signified their status. For example, lepers dressed a certain way to indicate to people that they were lepers. Blind people dressed a certain way to indicate that they were blind. Likewise, widows dressed a certain way, to indicate that they were widows (See 2 Samuel 14:2).

Therefore, when Naomi told Ruth to dress up, she wasn’t just saying this to encourage her to be presentable to Boaz, but also because she wanted her to shed off her widow’s garment. She wanted her to give up her past. It was time to let go of her dead relationship. Along the same lines, if this applies to you, let go of that relationship that didn’t work. He or she has let go of you. You are no longer in that relationship. It’s dead to you. You also be dead to it. Move on.

Don’t be like the women who took spices with the intent to embalm Jesus’ dead body. They wanted to spice up someone that was dead. Sometimes some of us inadvertently spice up dead relationships. We glamorize and fantasize about things that did not work. We can do this by carrying pictures or souvenirs of old flames. And occasionally, maybe when we’re feeling lonely or emotional, bring those old memories up and fixate on them. We reminisce on things of the past. Let them go. Get rid of them! Why are you seeking the living among the dead? Like Ruth, change your garment.

1. O. J. Toks, While You Are Single (Paoli, PA: Elevator Group Faith, 2015), 181-182.

During organ transplant procedures, an organ is surgically placed in the body of a patient who needs the tissue in order for his or her body to function properly. Unfortunately, a major challenge with this operation is tissue rejection, which happens when the body of the patient receiving the organ rejects the organ. Tissue rejection occurs as a result of the immune system attacking the organ. 

Our bodies have an immune system which is designed to protect us from infections and harmful substances like toxins and microorganisms. These harmful substances have proteins on their cells known as antigens. When they enter our bodies, our immune system is able to detect these antigens. This is because the antigens from the foreign agents are different from the ones in our bodies. Once our immune system notices this difference, they then identify the source of the foreign antigens and proceed to attack it.1 

The bottom line is that the rejection took place because the organ and patient were incompatible. God is the Great Physician who designed our bodies to refuse anything that does not conform to them. In the same way, God has orchestrated our lives in a manner that when we try to place ourselves in the lives of people who are incompatible with us, like an organ that is a mismatch to a patient, we get rejected. The rejection is a safeguard to protect and preserve us for others who match us. The rejection is to protect us from people who are harmful, toxic and can infect our lives with their toxicity. 

Interestingly, organ transplants are successful with no rejections when the recipient of the tissue is an identical twin of the organ donor. This is the case because the antigen on the tissue from the donor is identical with the antigen in the recipient’s body. Therefore, the immune system recognizes the foreign tissue as part of the body of the recipient, so it does not attack the tissue. 

That concept of immunological rejection reinforces how God uses rejection to help us end up with people, in places, or at positions that are compatible with God’s purpose for our lives. If the person, project, or environment that you’re trying to associate with is not “identical” to God’s plan for your life, rejection is triggered to protect, preserve, and redirect you to the individuals and areas which are in line with God’s plan for your life.

1.  O. J. Toks, Rejected for a Purpose (Paoli, PA: Elevator Group Faith, 2010), 255-256.

There was a prophet whom God assigned to deliver a message to a particular region. God told him that after he delivers the message, he should not turn into anyone’s house to eat or drink, and he should not leave the town where he prophesied God’s oracle the same way he came into it. The prophet received the instruction and went on to fulfill his mandate.

After declaring God’s Word over the place, the town’s king who was present when he was giving his prophesy asked him to come to his house to eat and drink. The prophet refused. The prophet told the king that God instructed him not to go into anyone’s house to wine and dine, nor should he leave the vicinity the way he came into it. So, the prophet departed the place using another route.

Later on, an “old prophet” caught up with the man that God sent to the town. The old prophet asked the younger prophet to come to his house to have some repast. The young prophet turned down the offer and gave the older prophet the same spiel he gave the king. But the older prophet told the young man that he was a prophet, too. He said that God sent an angel to him to tell the young prophet that it was okay for the young man to come to the old prophet’s house and get his grub on. The young prophet then changed his mind and went to the older prophet’s house to eat and drink.

After eating in the old prophet’s house, while seated at the table with his host, God spoke through the old prophet to the young man. He told the young prophet that because he disobeyed God’s command, his body would not make to his ancestor’s tomb.

After the young man left the old prophet’s house, he encountered a lion on the way, and the animal killed him (1 Kings 13).

Whoa! Perhaps, like me, you have a question mark in your head. For the life of me, I don’t know how to explain why God spoke judgment on the young prophet through the same old prophet that deceived the young man. That is a puzzle that has still left me puzzled.

When I first read this story I was ticked off! I was partly upset because I could relate with the young man. Perhaps you do, too. It was likely that the young man complied with the old prophet’s request out of respect for him, and he probably rationalized that the older man was more experienced and knew more of the things of God. He probably also thought that the old prophet was telling the truth when he said that God had sent an angel to let him know that he could fellowship with the old prophet. But it was a lie. The young man paid dearly for not rejecting what the older prophet said.

That is part of what I meant when I said that we should reject anything or anyone that would cause us to get of God’s will. My heart goes out to all the people that have lost their lives, marriages, ministries, businesses, contracts, friendships, relationships, promotions and other great opportunities because contrary to their better judgment, they adhered to the wrong advice given by those they thought were more experienced in what they where trying to achieve.

Have you ever asked someone you considered a mentor, leader or expert about something, and they gave you their advice on what to do? And despite something in you that dissuaded you from heeding their suggestion, you decided to adhere to their “two cents” because you felt that the person had more experience about the situation? But what you were trying to accomplish blew up in your face and devastated you; and, to add insult upon injury, the very person who advised you to do what you did denigrated you for carrying it out. You’re further heartbroken when the individual denies that he or she gave you advice about the situation or claimed that you should have known better than to apply his or her opinion.

That was what that young prophet went through. Unfortunately, he lost his life. By adhering to the old prophet’s instruction, he disobeyed God’s directives. Unbeknownst to him, he rejected God. In a sense, by hearkening to the older prophet, the young man was trying to be like him. He chose another man’s opinion instead of what he knew as truth in himself. As a result he got out of God’s will, and he ruined his destiny. Did you see the pattern?

When we try to be like others by listening and adhering to their opinions in the expense of what God has placed in our hearts, we get out of God’s will and ruin our destiny. When we get out of God’s will, we also get out of His jurisdiction. And when we’re out of His jurisdiction, we’re out of His protection, and, hence, we’re exposed to the enemy—the devil. Remember? He’s like a roaring lion looking for whom to devourer ( 1 Peter 5:8). I believe the prophet being devoured by the lion was symbolic of being destroyed by the devil. Had he refused the old prophet, the young man would’ve been in God’s will and would’ve been protected by the Lion of the tribe of Judah—Jesus.

With that in mind, may I give a suggestion? Don’t accept anyone’s two cents if it’s going to cost you a million dollars.

1.  O. J. Toks, Rejected for a Purpose (Paoli, PA: Elevator Group Faith, 2010), 246-248.

Now Streaming

I served as a waiter in a restaurant for about four-and-a-half years. I was tired and frustrated when I was working there, especially, when I had a college degree in Biology. I applied for other jobs but to no avail. I certainly wasn’t trying to get other jobs in the restaurant business. I had taken some classes in the information technology field, and I was looking for something … anything in that field. 

It was even more embarrassing that my parents sent me from Nigeria to school in the US, and all I could show for my college education after “nine years” in the States was a waiter’s job, and the tips were taking serious dips. Fortunately, I landed a part-time job as a customer service associate at a reputable company. Though working for that reputable company did not mean reputable money, at least to me, although I was grateful for it. 

I worked hard for the company. I did a good job for them. However, my shortcoming was that I came to work late occasionally. I was tardy. Their policy in layman’s terms was three strikes and you’re out! I struck out on seven. I worked there for close to four months. They were nice enough to allow me to stay after exhausting my three chances. My supervisor had given me a pep-talk about my tardiness, and I uttered not a word because he was right. 

The reason why I occasionally came to work late was because I often disobeyed the alarm clock … hmmm. I often slept overtime—which often led to way overtime. A little sleep, a little slumber and your poverty will come like an armed man, the Bible says (Proverbs 6:10-11). 

Evidently sleeping a little extra after I hit the “snooze” button and most times just stopped the alarm, wasn’t a good idea. Incidentally, poverty through layoff came like an armed man and robbed me of my employment. 

I came to work one morning, strolled into the warehouse-like call center, and told the lady behind the desk, in the call center that I was late—again. I then went to a computer station to sign on. A few minutes later, I was signing off after my supervisor came and gave me the “red light” … verbally. I didn’t argue; it was my tardiness that got me fired.

I guess I should have had some form of consolation that I still had the restaurant job. Unfortunately, I had handed my resignation letter to the restaurant about a week before I was laid off from the reputable company. 

Please don’t try this at home. I gave my resignation to the restaurant because I believed I was exercising my faith that God would get me another job. I was waiting for Him to get me another job while I was holding the restaurant job. However, it seemed to me that God was waiting on me to make a move by putting myself in a position that proves that I was really depending on Him. Please don’t get me wrong. I didn’t just sit home waiting for a job to fall in my lap those four-plus years I worked at the restaurant. I went looking for other jobs but to no avail. 

Nonetheless, I wouldn’t say I was completely in faith, since I did have a part time job at the reputable company. In the back of my mind, I considered that if I didn’t find a job after I left the restaurant, at least I still had the Customer Service gig. And if that was all I was left with, I would strive to work full-time. But it turned out that God assisted my faith by allowing me to get fired. Obviously, I aided my job loss through my tardiness, and I had about a week left in the restaurant after I was fired from the customer service job before I was completely out of work. 

Even so, I didn’t fret. God was still with me. It was a very uncomfortable situation but I had to trust that God would work things out. A few days later, I called a temp agency that I reluctantly registered with, thanks to the insistence of my sister. For months, claims by friends and well-wishers that the agency had job openings did not materialize. 

Six months after I registered with the agency, I called to update my new address information because I had moved. I also inquired if they had any job prospects for me. Well, what do you know? They did. The position was with a Fortune 500 company, in their information technology department, paying thirteen dollars per hour. Wow! 

Less than a week after I was fired, and before I was to bid good riddance to my restaurant job, I was given another opportunity to redeem myself. I was grateful to God. My faith in Him was reinforced. I was rejected to be promoted. I was fired from a less reputable company to be hired by a more reputable one. Being fired forced me to try the agency again, and it paid off! 

Similarly, being rejected causes you to re-evaluate your situation and make the necessary adjustments to improve your predicament. At least, that is the way you’re supposed to respond to any setback you face. Even if you did not contribute to your demotion like I did, it’s still in your best interest not to cry over spilled milk. Clean the spill and get another glass!

1. O. J. Toks, Rejected for a Purpose (Paoli, PA: Elevator Group Faith, 2010), 208-211.

It is more appealing and less stressful to find our mission in life by simply listening to God and hearkening unto His voice. Some of the ways He speaks to us as mentioned before are through the Bible, through His Spirit, His Ministers, our family members, friends, and even through strangers that He brought across our paths. He also speaks to us through dreams and visions. 

Unfortunately, some individuals will not adhere to God’s will because they’re either not aware of those basic resources for finding out His purpose, misguided, or simply disobedient, afraid or indecisive. God is then left to utilize another alternative. He has to use what I’ll call His secret agent: rejection. 

Please don’t take that out of context. God does not hurt you to help you. He heals your hurt and uses it to help you. Satan is the one who loves to see you hurt, miserable, and disenchanted. He is the one who abused you. He’s the culprit behind every form of pain and suffering (John 10:10). He’s the one who loves to see you wallow in a low self-esteem, anguish, guilt, and regret. He condemns you. He makes you feel that you are good for nothing and that you’ll not amount to anything. 

He manifests His hatred for you through individuals, some of whom might be, or might have been, church folks, your coworkers, friends, spouse, significant other, or family members. The devil carries out his schemes against you through some of your builders—individuals who were supposed to build you up, but they knocked you down, stepped on and over you, and left you for dead. They rejected you. 

Notwithstanding, through their dismissal, God delivered you out of their lives so that he can treat the pain they inflicted on you and give you a “treat.” Out of ignorance, fear, lack of faith, or no fault of your own, you got involved with the wrong folks. But, through things not working out with them, God worked you out of their lives so that you can undertake His work. 

I mentioned that I believe that rejection is God’s secret agent. For the sake of clarity, I believe rejection, in itself, is the devil’s agent. However, the secret is that God gets it to work in our best interest. 

If you’ve watched spy movies or programs on television about law enforcement trying to apprehend a suspect or a criminal organization, you’ll notice that a prominent tactic that the investigators use is to try to catch a member of the organization and get him to snitch on his employer. The same holds true in movies about international espionage. A terrorist group sends a spy to gather intelligence about a country’s defense and technology to use the information to attack and destroy the country. Oftentimes, the targeted nation’s intelligence agency is already aware of the imminent attack and the spy. Either, they capture the spy and get him to spill the beans on the terrorist organization, or they just monitor the spy by bugging the individual’s hideout, vehicle, and belongings. In so doing, they are tracking the terrorist’s activities, gathering intelligence about who the spy works for, and how the enemy is planning to attack their country. 

That way, they are not only protecting themselves, but also counteracting what their enemy is trying to do to them. Sometimes, unfortunately, the targeted country was attacked but able to apprehend the suspect and, through him, gather information that helps them arrest and prosecute the culprits as well as prevent and diffuse other attacks. 

Similarly, rejection is God’s snitch. It is the bad guy that God uses for a good purpose. Rejection was the devil’s agent, but the secret is that God exploited it as Satan’s traitor. In other words, what the devil assigned to bring you down, God reassigns to bring you up. What the devil designed to make you bitter, God redesigns to make you better. 

God uses rejection like 007. Bible scholars have revealed that the number “7” is God’s number of perfection or completion. To complete simply means to finish or get the job done. When all else has failed to help you find and fulfill your purpose, God employs 007 to get the job done! The job is to get you to accomplish God’s plan for your life.

1. O. J. Toks, Rejected for a Purpose (Paoli, PA: Elevator Group Faith, 2010), 18-20.

Let me tell you a story that came to me a while ago. There was a guy who wanted to find  a Godly woman to marry. He asked himself where he could find such a woman. He concluded that church was the best place to find such a lady. So, he proceeded to go to church. He didn’t go to church to have a relationship with God. He didn’t go to church to develop his character. He only went to church to find a woman. 

Guess what? He found a woman. They began a relationship. But it was a disaster. He was disappointed and disgusted with the woman he ended up with. Consequently, he concluded that church women were fake. There was also another woman who was interested in finding a Godly man. She asked herself where she could find such a man. She also arrived at the conclusion that church was the best place for her to snag a decent man. So, she went to church. 

She didn’t go to church to cultivate a relationship with Jesus. She didn’t go to church to develop her character. She simply went to church to find a man. Guess what? She found a man and they began a relationship. Unfortunately for her, the relationship went south fast. She was disappointed and devastated by the relationship. She could not believe that she found a man like that in church. Consequently, she concluded that church men were hypocrites. Well, it turned out that the man whom she found and had a terrible relationship with, was the other man who was also looking for a woman in church. This story reminds me of what author and leadership expert, Dr. John Maxwell, describes as the law of magnetism: 

Who you attract is not determined by what you want. It’s determined by who you are.51 

In the movie, Runaway Bride, not knowing herself was the main reason why Julia  Robert’s character, Maggie Carpenter, kept running away from the altar. It was after she found herself that she ended up with the right mate for her life. In the same vein, before you can run into the love of your life, you need to run into yourself first. The fastest way for you to find the right person is to look in the mirror. If you don’t know yourself, not only are you susceptible to ending up with the wrong person, you are also susceptible to missing out on the right person. 

If you know what is right this will help you know who is right. If you don’t know what is  right then you won’t know who is right for you. Having a relationship with God will not only  help you know what is right and know who is right for you, but it will also help you be right.

1. O. J. Toks, While You Are Single (Paoli, PA: Elevator Group Faith, 2015), 99-100.

On February 12, 2002, While You Are Single started out as a message. It was the title of O. J. Toks’ sermon while speaking in a True Love Waits event held by a Christian Student Organization called VISION, in his alma mater, Virginia Commonwealth University. On November 17, 2003, the message evolved into a manuscript. O. J. Toks’ first book. Since then the book has been revised, updated and is still available. On February 15, 2014, twelve years after its inception, it became a ministry. Currently an online ministry for single adults. The mission of While You Are Single (WYAS) is to prepare singles for wholesome relationships.

Through a series of videos, which can be watched on the While You Are Single website or on YouTube, single adults receive biblical teachings relevant to them. Through these videos, O. J. Toks’ book and blog, single adults who desire marriage, receive ministry that will impact, inform and inspire them toward God’s best path for their lives.

I was made the team manager, a fancy name for the guy who oversees the team’s laundry, soccer balls, training equipment, and ensures that there is drinking water in the two, giant, green and black plastic kegs with the Gatorade logo. This was not what I bargained for, but I kept my head up, trained hard and continued to pay my dues. I was the team manager and not an “official” teammate throughout the fall 1998 season.

The NCAA Division One soccer season was usually in the fall, so in the spring of 1999 we just trained. I was still with the team, pursuing my “calling.” We were given a break for the summer, but our head coach demanded that we be in shape when we got back in the fall. During the summer, I hit the gym and ran miles every other day, even in the muggy, blistering, scorching heat. Our assistant coach, who also doubled as our fitness expert, required that each member of the team be able to run two miles in fourteen minutes. I did it in twelve.

Prior to getting back with the team for the fall season, I browsed our website to check the new players and confirm that my name was finally on the roster of the VCU Rams. It wasn’t. I cannot begin to tell you my disappointment and feelings of rejection. I refused to accept the implications of the roster. I still showed up with my teammates for the mandatory team meeting that we were to have before we commenced training for the fall season. After the meeting, my coach called me aside and apologized that I was not on the squad. One of the new players on the team had eligibility issues and my coach reasoned with me that if things did not work out with the player, I would be the first consideration to take his place.

The player was not eligible; I still wasn’t given his place. My place was still in the laundry room, overseeing my teammate’s jerseys and hoses. Serving my teammates in lieu of playing officially with them was a very humbling experience. Equally humbling was my experience at a hotel booked for our team for a tournament away from our school. Due to some miscommunication, there were not enough rooms booked for our team. Actually, they were one person short. Guess who? So, I had to bunk with two “fresh men.” The hotel improvised by providing a rollaway bed as an addition to the twin beds in the room that was booked for them.

As a “senior” student and the fact that I had been with the team a “year” longer than the two freshmen, I did not think that we had to play a game to determine who got the beds and who ended up on the rollaway. Though I did not share my conviction with the fresh-out-of high school kids, they did not share my sentiment, either. The freshmen decided that we should play “scissors-paper-rock” to figure out who ended up on the rollaway. I lost the game—but I won the rollaway. I did not tell my other teammates, though. I kept it to myself, just like I kept the feelings of rejection of not making it on the squad.

My school upset the University of Maryland on their home field, and, despite our coach’s caution to us not to be careless in our next match, we were upset in the next game by American University. We felt the wrath of our coach during training the next day after the loss.

With all that I had stomached for the past year, and feeling that I should no longer kiss the dirt, get knocked down on the soccer field, cramp, pull muscles, press through rigorous training, and occasionally drive the team van, while going to school full-time and holding down a part-time job since I did not make the team, I approached my coach after the training and handed him my resignation papers. Funny thing was…I was never officially hired.

Please don’t get me wrong, I was no Pelé, Samuel Eto, Lionel Messi, Christiano Ronaldo, Ronaldinho or Landon Donovan. I could not bend it like Beckham, but I could still bend the ball—even though it might end up outside the stadium. All the same, I was as good as some of the players on the team. Furthermore, my unofficial tenure with the team wasn’t all doom and gloom. I built camaraderie with the team, and despite being the “team manager,” I enjoyed the perks: free sports gear, hotel accommodations, Golden Corral, and the numerous slices of Papa John’s pizza that served as our dinner after playing away-games, washed down with cans of Pepsi…yeeaaaah baiiiiibey!

Thanks to my unsuccessful stint with the soccer team, I had more time to dedicate to attending Bible study at my college. Interestingly, the Bible study was organized under the name VISION. So, being rejected from the soccer team led me to vision. I was provided for vision—provision; I was also led to God’s vision for my life. That was where I fit.

In addition to attending my church and cultivating my personal time with God, going to Bible study was where I began to discover and express my affinity for the gospel. It was my fellowship with other students that emboldened me to minister. It was in the session that I was given a voice, granted an audience and had my first speaking engagement. It was also in Bible study that I received my first leadership position as the president of VISION and experienced relationships and learned reasonable amounts of information that contributed to my messages and my books—this one included.

In Bible study, I was not required to serve; I volunteered to serve. I set the room before our sessions and cleaned up after. I was treated like a teammate. I was embraced, appreciated, and encouraged. I was depended upon; at times I was treated like the go-to guy. I did not feel like a fringe player like I did with the Rams. I felt like a major player. I enjoyed it; God made me good at it, and I was called for it! I was not supposed to be in the ministry of football (not NFL); I was supposed to be in the ministry of the gospel. Soccer was not my niche; scripture was.

I still play the game of futbol for recreation and to keep myself in shape. Nonetheless, I had no business playing the game professionally. Not being able to break into the college team made that crystal clear, and that helped redirect me to what I’m doing now. And for that I’m grateful.

1. Excerpted from O. J. Toks, Rejected for a Purpose (Paoli, PA: Elevator Group Faith, 2010), 145-148.