DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY, TAKE IT TO GOD

You are never wrong when you operate in love toward others. When you feel rejected, I encourage you to view your rejection from the eye of love. In doing so, you are in a better position to discern whether you were feeling rejected or actually were rejected. Love believes the best of situations. Again, Love…bears…believes…hopes…and endures all things.

1 John 4:8 states that God is love. Therefore, in order to ensure that you are not overreacting to the way someone treats you, operating in love toward the person who you felt offended you helps you consider other factors that might have caused the person to treat you badly. Your discretion will also help you ascertain whether prevailing circumstances in your life or experiences you had from your past lured you to think that you were rebuffed when the person did not actually brush you off. The things that you were dealing with, or negative memories from your past, might have made you feel that you were refused.

That is why it is important for you to believe the best of the situation by approaching the issue objectively from a perspective of love. In essence, since God is love, when you deal with rejection, don’t take it personally; take it to God. This is how I’ve been able to deal with, and overcome, my feelings of rejection.

I have had my share of bouts with rejection. Knowing that God was with me and taking my feelings of rejection to Him have proved most fundamental to my dealing with it and getting a great deal out of it. It has helped me to be more considerate of other people and has, no doubt, contributed to this writing.

I’m amused at the thought that I started writing seriously after I felt rejected. Like I mentioned earlier, my first book, While You Are Single… was birthed shortly after a lady I was interested in declined my feelings for her. Quite naturally, I felt rejected. But I overcame it, knowing that God was with me, and realizing that there was a bigger purpose behind her dismissing me. Part of that purpose was for me to take a good look at myself to discover whether I was suitable for her. Evaluating myself and gathering information that would help me become the right person for someone else gave rise to the book. Basically, she rejected me for my purpose, and that was the best thing that ever happened for me. I used to be just a waiter. After she declined my advances toward her, I wore another hat; I became a more accomplished person: an author.

I survived my feelings of rejection by not taking them personally but taking them to God. In doing so, I took her feelings into consideration. Just like she did not want to have a relationship with a guy she did not have feelings for, I didn’t want to be involved with a lady I was not interested in, either. This didn’t mean she despised me or had anything against me, it just meant that she did not think I was the best for her. She may have been right. By rejecting me, she did us both a favor, by preserving herself for the kind of guy she desired, and by redirecting me to the right lady who would accept me.

GO STRAIGHT TO THE TOP 

Let’s consider a lady who approached Christ to help deliver her daughter from a severe demonic possession. While she beseeched the Lord to help her with her plight, she endured and overcame rejection. Read the encounter below, and I’ll explain further.

And behold, a woman of Canaan came from that region and cried out to Him, saying, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is severely demon-possessed.” But He answered her not a word. And His disciples came and urged Him, saying, “Send her away, for she cries out after us.” But He answered and said, “I was not sent except to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” Then she came and worshiped Him, saying, “Lord, help me!” But He answered and said, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs.” And she said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table.” Then Jesus answered and said to her, “O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour. (Matthew 15:21-28 NKJV)

Here is a lady seeking Jesus for help with her daughter, and He ignores her. At this juncture, a number of us would have cursed Him out. We would be upset that the so-called Minister, Preacher, or man of God was insensitive and full of himself. To add insult upon injury, Jesus’ disciples urged Christ to send her away. How insensitive. Take note that Jesus’ disciples, His “leadership,” those closest to Him, encouraged Him to dismiss her. Simply put, they asked Him to reject her. Jesus then responded to the woman by telling her that He was sent to the lost in Israel. Despite the rebuff, she pressed on. She worshipped Him. She still had faith in Him. She humbled herself even more for the sake of her tormented daughter. She asked Him to help her. But again, Jesus responded to her by saying:

…It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs. 

Whoa! At this point, those of us who might have taken Jesus’ first response to our plea for help with a pinch of salt would have lost it. We might have had no qualms with letting the Lord have one on His lips, then asking Him for forgiveness later. He implied that helping her was like throwing food, meant for his Israelite children, to little dogs. Basically, he called her a dog to which food is thrown, not given.

Yet again, the lady responded to Jesus’ apparent disrespect by saying, Yes Lord…. 

She said that even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their master’s table. Jesus then exclaimed at her faith. He was impressed. In essence, she aced the test. According to her desire, her daughter was healed. Her faith in Jesus did not waiver after He appeared to have rejected her. Her proper response to the rejection by faith enabled her to obtain the victory she desired.

If we had been in the lady’s situation and Christ treated us like He did her initially, we’d have felt insulted. The Canaanite woman likely felt the same way, but she was not really rejected by Christ. I believe that, despite feeling restrained, she was able to prevent her possible feelings of rejection from hindering her faith in the same person from whom she experienced the rejection. I believe a key to her victory was her knowledge of who Jesus was. By calling Jesus the “Son of David,” she must have known enough about Him to believe that He could deliver her daughter.

We can learn a valuable lesson from the disciples’ suggestion to Jesus to send the woman away. They must have thought that they were doing the Lord a favor. They probably thought they were protecting and shielding him from a nagging woman. Did you notice that it was those closest to Christ who encouraged the Lord to discard the woman? Oftentimes, we judge leaders based on their followers. Perhaps an associate of an authority figure rejects you. Maybe you’ve been rebuffed by your pastor’s assistant, your boss’s subordinate, a friend’s best friend, or a Christian, an ambassador for Christ. If this is the case, there is the tendency for you to assume that the pastor, boss, friend, or God has rejected you, too.

We are prone to assume that people like pastors and their leadership, board of directors, and their CEOs, managers, and supervisors who work closely together and hang out together, all share the same values. That might be true in the context of their religious and professional affiliations, but that is not absolutely true.

For example, God has been given a bad name by too many of us who profess to serve and represent Him. Scores of individuals have evaluated God based on the conduct of Christians. The logic behind their assessment makes sense, except that they have it backwards. People should evaluate Christians or Christianity based on Christ, not the other way round. I believe the Canaanite woman understood this concept and used it to her advantage.[1]