I once learned the story of a man who wanted to get married. He wondered where he could find a good woman. He concluded that church was the best place to find such a woman. So, he went to church. He didn’t go to church to build his character and develop a relationship with God. He went to church to find a woman. And find a woman he did. They got married. Unfortunately, the marriage didn’t last. It was a disaster. The man was deeply hurt. Consequently, he concluded that church women were fake.

There was also a lady that was looking for a husband. She wondered where she could find a good man. She reasoned that church was the best place to find such a man. So, she went to church. She didn’t go to church to grow in faith and develop a relationship with God. She only went to church to find a man. And find a man she did. They got married. Unfortunately, the marriage fell apart. She was devastated. Consequently, she concluded that church men were fake. It turns out that the man she found was the other guy who also went to church to find a wife.

The point I’m making is derived from what leadership expert, Dr. John Maxwell, describes as the law of magnetism: Who you attract is not determined by what you want, but by who you are. Paul said it best when he wrote that we reap what we sow (Gal 6:7). Please have this principle in mind as I discuss ten tips that will help you find the right mate for your life.

1. MEN SHOULD LEARN HOW TO TREAT WOMEN

Prior to pairing Adam with Eve, God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden to tend, guard, and keep it (Gen 2:15 AMP). This act of God helped me realize that women are like gardens; they need to be tended, guarded, and kept. A guy who understands and employs this truth, will enjoy the fruit of his garden. It’s in the best interest of men to pay attention to their women, water them with affection, fertilize them with love, and help them uproot any weeds of insecurity. The man that does this will help his woman blossom with beauty. Such a man is a prime candidate to win a Godly woman’s heart.

2. BE A HELPER

When God decided to make a wife for Adam, He mentioned a word that helps us know the kind of person He sets up for marriage. In fact, He said the word twice. He said He was going to make Adam a “helper.” The second time the word is mentioned, the scripture reads, “but for Adam there was not found a helper …. (Gen 2:20).” This was when I realized that God does not set everyone up for marriage. He only sets up helpers. Not hellions, not hell-raisers, and not “help mes.”

If you’re not a helper, I encourage you to surrender to God and let Him make you a helper. Vegas may set everyone up, but Jesus only sets up helpers. God did not decide to make Adam just any woman. He made a woman that was a helper. A lady that is a helper is a prime candidate to win a Godly man’s heart. Needless to say, being a helper is not exclusive to women. Men are to be helpers too.

3. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE RIGHT PERSON AND THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU

God didn’t just make Adam a helper, He made him a helper suitable for him (Gen 2:18 NIV, NASB); a helper comparable to him (NKJV); a helper just right for him (NLT); a helper adapted and complementary to him (AMP). You may find someone who is right, but not right for you. You may find someone who is suitable for a starring role in a Hollywood blockbuster. You may find someone who is just right for the cover of Sports Illustrated, Swimsuit Issue. And you may find someone who is right for your fantasies, but not adapted, complementary and right for you. God wants to give you someone that fits you, not someone that only gives you fits.

4. LET THE HOLY SPIRIT HELP YOU

Before Jesus’s departure, Jesus told His disciples that He will send them another helper, the Holy Spirit (John 14:16). This Helper will teach them everything (John 14:26). This Helper will guide them into all truth and only speak what He hears from the Father (John 16:13). Not only is the Holy Spirit the best Person to help you become a helper, He will also teach you everything. He will guide you into all truth, which must include the truth of who you should marry.

5. LOOK FOR A MATE WITHIN GOD’S FAMILY

Many singles are struggling to find any mate, let alone a Godly mate. And the few good prospects they come across seem to be few and far between. In some cases it seems non-Christians have better character than some Christians. Yet, Christian singles are told to marry other Christians. Though it appears your options are limited, it’s in your best interest to marry within God’s family. Even so, I’m not encouraging you to marry just any Christian. I’m encouraging you to marry a Christian that’s just. I’m encouraging you to marry a Christian that’s Christ-like.

How can you tell if a particular believer is Christ-like? Jesus gave us a clue. While teaching a group of people, He got word that his mother and brothers were looking for him. He responded by asking who his mother and brother were? He answered His own question by saying that those who do the will of His father are His mother, brother and sister (Mark 3:33-35). In essence, family is people that do God’s will. Not only should you look out for a Christian doing God’s will, but I encourage you to be one.