Being rejected is not the end of your life; rather, it’s a means to an end for your life. And that end is your destiny. Below is an interview, broken into 3 parts, in which I discuss my book, Rejected for a Purpose: How God Uses Rejection to Help You Find and Fulfill Your Destiny.
All posts by O. J. Toks
10 Tips to Finding the Right Mate for Your Life Part 2
Much can be deduced from how Isaac found his wife. Isaac’s dad, Abraham, engaged the chief servant of his household to find a wife for Isaac. He charged him not to find a wife from the Canaanites amongst whom they lived. He asked his servant to go to his country to find a wife amongst his relatives. This reinforces the wisdom of marrying within God’s family (Gen 24:4). The servant was concerned that if he found a woman for Isaac, she may not be willing to leave her family to come live with Isaac (Gen 24:5).
Abraham assured him that God would send an angel to go before Him to help with the task of finding Isaac a wife (Gen 24:7). This was when I discovered that there is an angel responsible to go before you to help you find your spouse. But, I have a question for you: Is your angel going before you, or is your angel chasing after you? Are you giving your angel a nervous breakdown? Is your angel losing his wings because of you? Are you making your angel contemplate retirement? Is your angel going to the other angels saying, “Hey, you wanna switch assignments with me?” Michael is known as the war angel. Is your angel always going to Michael, asking for backup? To which Michael responds, “Again??!!” Are you frustrating your angel? Please cooperate with your angel.
7. PRAY
Having been given assurance that God will send His angel, the servant proceeded to look for a wife for Isaac. He got to a well and began to pray for guidance (Genesis 24:12). Friend, make no mistake about it, prayer is necessary, not only to find your mate, but also to fulfill everything God plans for you. Praying for someone to marry is more effective than preying on someone to marry.
8. USE DISCERNMENT
In his prayer, the servant told God that he would ask a woman to give him water to drink. If she agrees to give him a drink and offers to water his camels, then let her be the one that God “chose” to be Isaac’s wife. Before he finished praying Rebecca showed up and fulfilled everything he requested from God. But something strange happened. The scripture says that the servant was silent watching her while she was watering the camels, to see if God had made his journey successful (Gen 24:21). I was dumbfounded.
What does he mean by “if God made his journey successful?” She agreed to give him water, and she volunteered to water his “ten” camels. Case closed! God just fulfilled everything he asked and he is still wondering if the mission was successful. Why didn’t he just tell her that she was the one for Isaac? What was he waiting for? It was while I was pondering about this, that it hit me. I now discovered why so many of us make poor choices in relationships.
Many people have prayed for God to guide them to their mate. In some cases, shortly after they prayed, someone showed up. This person looked the part. This person quoted scripture. This person spoke Christianese. Like Rebecca, they fit the profile. But unlike the servant, the person who prayed did not watch the potential to see if God truly hooked them up. You see, it’s one thing for Rebecca to say that she will give him a drink and water his ten camels. It’s another thing for her to actually do what she said she would do. This was what the servant was watching. Is she who she said she is? It was after Rebecca watered ALL the camels that the servant now put a ring on it. It was after she fulfilled her word to him that he gave her jewelry and revealed to her, his mission and her relevance to it (Gen 24:22).
Even though you’ve prayed, please don’t be quick to think the first person that comes before you is from God. I encourage you to use discernment. Before you plan the wedding, contemplate your wedding dress, figure out who your best man will be, or whether the nuptials will be in the Sistine chapel or on a beach in Venice, slow down and watch your prospect. Does the person walk the talk? Watch the person’s fruit, not gifts. Watch His or her character, not charisma and talent.
9. DON’T LET YOUR FAMILY HOLD YOU BACK
After the servant verified that Rebecca was the one for Isaac, he went with her to meet her family. He told them about his mission and what happened. They were all excited. The servant and his entourage stayed overnight. The next day he wanted to leave with Isaac’s bride. But the family said that they should wait ten more days, then after, they could go. The servant was not willing to wait. He told them not to “delay him” (Gen 24:56).
That was when another nugget hit me. One of the reasons why some single people who want to get married, are still single, is because their family members are holding them back. There are many single people like Rebecca. They know God has someone for them. The Holy Spirit has revealed this to them, like the servant revealed it to Rebecca. But unlike Rebecca, they haven’t moved. They haven’t taken a step out of their comfort zone by faith toward the person God has for them. Sometimes this is because they have, perhaps, inadvertently, let their family members hold them back. Please don’t let your family hold you back when God has told you to move forward.
10. YOU HAVE A CHOICE
After the servant demanded not to be delayed, Rebecca’s brother and mother decided that they should ask Rebecca if she wanted to go with the man. Rebecca said, “I will go” (Gen 24:57). If you have never studied this story closely, you might have thought that Rebecca didn’t have a choice. You might have assumed that she went along just because it was required of her. That is further from the truth.
Rebecca had always had a choice. She had a choice even before the servant left Abraham. If you recall, the servant asked Abraham what was to be done if she was not willing to come (Gen 24:5). Rebecca did not become Isaac’s wife just because some stranger said “the Lord told him that she was the one for Isaac.” She married Isaac because, though God revealed him to be her husband, she chose to marry him. Rebecca had a choice. And so do you. Please don’t go along with someone just because they tell you that God told them that you are the one for them. If God told them, He would tell you, too. You have a choice. Please choose wisely.
10 Tips to Finding the Right Mate for Your Life Part 1
I once learned the story of a man who wanted to get married. He wondered where he could find a good woman. He concluded that church was the best place to find such a woman. So, he went to church. He didn’t go to church to build his character and develop a relationship with God. He went to church to find a woman. And find a woman he did. They got married. Unfortunately, the marriage didn’t last. It was a disaster. The man was deeply hurt. Consequently, he concluded that church women were fake.
There was also a lady that was looking for a husband. She wondered where she could find a good man. She reasoned that church was the best place to find such a man. So, she went to church. She didn’t go to church to grow in faith and develop a relationship with God. She only went to church to find a man. And find a man she did. They got married. Unfortunately, the marriage fell apart. She was devastated. Consequently, she concluded that church men were fake. It turns out that the man she found was the other guy who also went to church to find a wife.
The point I’m making is derived from what leadership expert, Dr. John Maxwell, describes as the law of magnetism: Who you attract is not determined by what you want, but by who you are. Paul said it best when he wrote that we reap what we sow (Gal 6:7). Please have this principle in mind as I discuss ten tips that will help you find the right mate for your life.
1. MEN SHOULD LEARN HOW TO TREAT WOMEN
Prior to pairing Adam with Eve, God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden to tend, guard, and keep it (Gen 2:15 AMP). This act of God helped me realize that women are like gardens; they need to be tended, guarded, and kept. A guy who understands and employs this truth, will enjoy the fruit of his garden. It’s in the best interest of men to pay attention to their women, water them with affection, fertilize them with love, and help them uproot any weeds of insecurity. The man that does this will help his woman blossom with beauty. Such a man is a prime candidate to win a Godly woman’s heart.
2. BE A HELPER
When God decided to make a wife for Adam, He mentioned a word that helps us know the kind of person He sets up for marriage. In fact, He said the word twice. He said He was going to make Adam a “helper.” The second time the word is mentioned, the scripture reads, “but for Adam there was not found a helper …. (Gen 2:20).” This was when I realized that God does not set everyone up for marriage. He only sets up helpers. Not hellions, not hell-raisers, and not “help mes.”
If you’re not a helper, I encourage you to surrender to God and let Him make you a helper. Vegas may set everyone up, but Jesus only sets up helpers. God did not decide to make Adam just any woman. He made a woman that was a helper. A lady that is a helper is a prime candidate to win a Godly man’s heart. Needless to say, being a helper is not exclusive to women. Men are to be helpers too.
3. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE RIGHT PERSON AND THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU
God didn’t just make Adam a helper, He made him a helper suitable for him (Gen 2:18 NIV, NASB); a helper comparable to him (NKJV); a helper just right for him (NLT); a helper adapted and complementary to him (AMP). You may find someone who is right, but not right for you. You may find someone who is suitable for a starring role in a Hollywood blockbuster. You may find someone who is just right for the cover of Sports Illustrated, Swimsuit Issue. And you may find someone who is right for your fantasies, but not adapted, complementary and right for you. God wants to give you someone that fits you, not someone that only gives you fits.
4. LET THE HOLY SPIRIT HELP YOU
Before Jesus’s departure, Jesus told His disciples that He will send them another helper, the Holy Spirit (John 14:16). This Helper will teach them everything (John 14:26). This Helper will guide them into all truth and only speak what He hears from the Father (John 16:13). Not only is the Holy Spirit the best Person to help you become a helper, He will also teach you everything. He will guide you into all truth, which must include the truth of who you should marry.
5. LOOK FOR A MATE WITHIN GOD’S FAMILY
Many singles are struggling to find any mate, let alone a Godly mate. And the few good prospects they come across seem to be few and far between. In some cases it seems non-Christians have better character than some Christians. Yet, Christian singles are told to marry other Christians. Though it appears your options are limited, it’s in your best interest to marry within God’s family. Even so, I’m not encouraging you to marry just any Christian. I’m encouraging you to marry a Christian that’s just. I’m encouraging you to marry a Christian that’s Christ-like.
How can you tell if a particular believer is Christ-like? Jesus gave us a clue. While teaching a group of people, He got word that his mother and brothers were looking for him. He responded by asking who his mother and brother were? He answered His own question by saying that those who do the will of His father are His mother, brother and sister (Mark 3:33-35). In essence, family is people that do God’s will. Not only should you look out for a Christian doing God’s will, but I encourage you to be one.
A Few Good Men
Ladies, I have good news, and I have bad news. The bad news first. There are some guys who will not go back and chase a lady they are interested in dating, after she turns them down. And it’s not because their names are not J. P. Morgan. More bad news. A few of these guys are good men. Though not related to Tom Cruise, a guy like these few good men will not pursue a lady further after she rebuffs him.
He won’t return to try again, not because he is angry, not because the lady is not worth the chase, and not because he really didn’t care about her. He won’t pursue again because her rejection of his advances made him believe that she was not really interested in him. If the lady was truly not interested, then case closed.
But, if the lady was interested … yikes. Unless she lets him know of her heart’s true intentions, he is not coming back because he is clueless of what is in her heart. In his mind, she said “no.” And out of respect for her, and not wanting to be a stalker and overbearing, he will not pursue her any further. This kind of guy believes that a lady’s “no” means “no.” Now, to the good news.
There are other guys who will not take “no” for an answer. They will go after her more resiliently than Tom chases Jerry in the Walt-Disney cartoon flick. Unfortunately, there is more bad news. Some guys like these are bad boys. A man, like these players is not really chasing her; he is chasing “it.” He is chasing what he can get from her. And once he gets it, he disappears so fast, the woman sees sheets of paper flying all over the place.
To some bad boys, a lady’s “no” does not mean “no.” It means “yes.” It means “come after me.” If a lady turns a guy like these bad boys down, the guy assumes that she is playing hard to get. Her resistance to him is fuel for him to really go after her. If she was truly not interested in him, it’s not case closed. It’s case still open. And that’s a problem. When this bad boy discovers that she really meant “no,” sometimes he disrespects, belittles, and slanders her.
If a woman plays hard to get, then she plays right into the hands of a bad boy. Sadly, some women believe that if a guy goes after them resiliently, then it means he really loves them. And if a guy does not try and try again to win their heart, then it means he wasn’t serious and he really didn’t care about them. This mindset unfortunately has led to countless heartbreaks and confusion.
Ladies, please hear me out. If you play hard to get … you will be hard to get. And if you are got, you will be got by a man who plays … hard. Playing hard to get can leave you susceptible to ending up with the wrong guy who is “playing” hard to get you.
There are essentially two ways that people can get into a relationship. God’s way and the hard way. God’s way employs God’s grace, which helps us get into the right relationships. The hard way employs our race to get into relationships, which often falls short of our expectations. The good guys I alluded to, employ the God way. The bad boys exploit the hard way.
The good guy approaches a lady based more on inside information. While he is drawn to her, he has an inkling in his heart to talk to her and ask her out. God’s guidance through His grace and his attraction to her emboldens him to speak to her. This does not mean that the guy is immune to making the mistake of misjudging what he is feeling, as God leading him to a woman, when God was not and when God had a different agenda in mind. All the same, though attracted to the lady, he approaches her based on what he senses in his heart. If she refuses him, then he assumes he misconstrued what he thought God was revealing to him, tries to learn from his mistake and move on.
The bad boy approaches a lady based solely on outside information. She looks hot and he wants to have some. He proceeds strictly on what he sees with his eyes. He is willing to do and tell her anything to win her heart—though it’s not her heart he’s trying to win. He’s trying to win her body, stroke his ego, and add his triumph over her to his collection of exploits.
I like to say it like this: I don’t want a lady to go out with me because I chased her. I want a lady to go out with me because God chased her for me. If I chased her and she agrees to go out with me, then she will be doing so based on my efforts. This also means that I have to maintain the relationship based on my efforts. However, if she goes out with me because God already placed me in her heart, then we can rely on God to uphold the relationship.
That does not take away my responsibility in approaching her and expressing my feelings to her. That does not take away my responsibility in ensuring that I fulfill my role in taking care of her, encouraging her, and making her feel special. It does mean that God controls the relationship from start to finish. A few good men feel the same way. And that’s how it happened for me. I have experienced my share of “nos,” but one day, I got a “yes!” Actually, I didn’t get a “yes,” I got a “sure!” That was 4 years ago. I married her about a year-and-a-half ago.
Why would a lady who has prayed for a good man turn him down after he then shows up to ask her out? I’m not referring to ladies who are being cautious or refusing men they’re not interested in. I’m referring to ladies turning down good men who they’re interested in. I’m talking about ladies refusing good men who they have peace about dating. I’m talking about ladies declining opportunities to go out with good guys that even their parents, Pastors, friends, dogs and grouchy cats have peace about.
Why would some ladies turn down men that God has placed in their hearts? Do they need the men to prove their love, which God has already revealed to the women? If this is the case, then that’s the hard way. This approach to relationships can lead such women into the arms of the wrong guys. Guys that play hard.
Lady, if you’ve turned down a Godly man, needing him to chase you, I encourage you to go back and get him … or hope and pray that he’s one of the other few good men who loves to chase.
Protecting Relationships from the Enemy
Relationships are precious. One of the saddest things in life is to lose the relationship you prayed so diligently to receive. In order to safeguard our relationships there are some things we need to do. Some of them are practical. Others are spiritual. Some of these protective measures require us to use common sense and some require us to solely rely on God’s grace.
We will successfully protect our relationships when we use practical and spiritual measures in tandem. I believe that there are 4 approaches to protecting relationships. 3 of these approaches are legitimate. The 4th approach is illegitimate. In the audio below I elaborate on all these approaches and discuss the measures we can use to safeguard our relationships.
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Are You Sure You’re in Love?
What is love? I once heard a celebrity say that love is when you close your eyes and you see the face of the person you love. What happens when you close your eyes again, but you don’t see the person’s face anymore? What happens when your eyes are wide open, but you don’t want to see the person’s face?
I’ve also heard that love is that feeling you get in your belly. You know that feeling. The sensation that I’ve heard some people say they feel in their gut when they are around the object of their affection. Sometimes I wonder if that feeling is gas. Nothing a little Pepto Bismol can’t take care of.
Yes, I understand the euphoria that often accompanies love. I also acknowledge that there is a romantic aspect of love. A part of love that is necessary for healthy and lasting, Godly relationships. But do feelings define genuine love? Or does genuine love define feelings? While I know that there is more to love than we can comprehend, I recently addressed the subject briefly in the While You Are Single podcast. You can listen to the three-part series below:
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Podcast of the Week: Moving Forward
Too often we let our past hinder our future. We let what’s behind us prevent us from receiving what’s before us. How can we move forward? What role does forgiveness have to do with this? And when we forgive, do we really forget? You can find out more by listening to the podcasts below.
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You can subscribe to O. J. Toks’ podcasts on Itunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/ojtoksministries/id857227884?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4
Nine Eleven Part 4
When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him” (John 11:32-36 NIV)!
Jesus saw Lazarus and wept. Likewise, God sees your situation. He grieves when you grieve. He cries when you cry. He has compassion over you. Just because He hasn’t moved as quick as you want Him to, does not mean that He is not privy to your emergency. It does not mean that He does not care about you. He loves you very much and feels your grief. In due time He will restore and refresh your Lazarus.
Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. “Take away the stone,” he said. “But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.” Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God” (John 11:38-40 NIV)?
In order to raise Lazarus Jesus told them to roll away the stone. I believe God is saying the same to you too. In order for Him to raise your dreams, ideas, visions He needs you to roll away the stone that you used to close your heart to that desire, which God placed in you. He is not going to roll away the stone; you have to roll away the stone. Open up for God to restore you. Be open to receive what God wants to do in you and through you.
Perhaps your response is like Martha’s: “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.” Have you ever been in a situation so bad that it stinks? It is so messy; and you’ve been in that situation a long time. It looks very dead and buried. Perhaps it was a dream you tried to accomplish before. Maybe you tried to fulfill a vision or desire in your heart a while ago. But things broke down and you got hurt and devastated. So you buried that dream. Just because you’ve closed yourself to that dream from ever being fulfilled does not mean that God forgot about it. Now is the time, and God is saying that you should open up so that He can bring that dream, vision, idea, or desire to life.
Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead man was lying. And Jesus lifted up His eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard Me. “And I know that you always hear Me, but because of the people who are standing by I said this, that they may believe that you sent Me.” Now when He had said these things, He cried with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come forth!” And he who died came out bound hand and foot with grave clothes and his face was wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “loose him, and let him go” (John 11:41-44 NKJV).
After they rolled away the stone Jesus told Lazarus to come forth. But when he came forth he came out bound hand and foot, and his face was wrapped in a cloth. Similarly I believe God is calling you to come forth! Perhaps you have heeded the call. Maybe you’ve opened your heart to allow God to move in your life. He has called you forth and you have taken the leap of faith. But like Lazarus, you are still bound; hand, foot and face. And because of this, you can’t do anything because your hands are tied. You can’t go anywhere because your feet are shackled, and you can’t see or perceive anything that God is doing because your eyes are closed.
Be encouraged! God has not finished with you yet. Be confident in the fact that the work that God has begun in you, He will complete it (Philippians 1:6). God does not do things half way. While we like God to resolve our situations in one swoop, sometimes He does it gradually. I believe He does this so that every step of the way our faith and trust in Him increases. Oftentimes God takes us through a process of deliverance to resolve our emergencies.
He called Lazarus out of his hole and loosed Him from the things that bound Him. Likewise, God is not only calling you forth, but in Jesus’ name loosing you from any strong holds!
Like Jesus did for Lazarus I’m declaring that you come forth! And satan the Lord rebuke you! I come against any demonic spirit, force, entity, situation or circumstance designed and assigned to hinder, frustrate or prevent you from being who God has called you to be! Satan loose this person and let them go!
While we are to exercise our authority as children of God to tell satan to loose us from strong holds he brought in our lives, sometimes we also loose ourselves from bondages by letting things go. By this I mean forgiveness. You may have stepped out of a hole. You may have come forth from a dead relationship. Even so, there is the tendency to carry the stench of that situation with you. And that stench could hinder you from doing what you need to do, go where you need to go, and see what you need to see.
The stench could be something that was said about you to belittle you. They could be words hurled at you like arrows to pierce your heart and hurt you. These things can cling on to you if you do not forgive the person that hurt you. These things can bind you; hand, foot and face. Forgive the person and release that bondage from your life, and then become the person God created you to be.
After Lazarus came forth, he was loosed from the things that tied him, and then he could see. In essence, Lazarus EMERGED and SAW after Jesus moved on His life. Similarly, God allows emergency situations in our lives so that we can emerge (come forth) and see His move in our lives. A Godly 911 emergency is an opportunity for you to emerge and see God move in your life.
Then many of the Jews who had come to Mary, and had seen the things Jesus did, believed in Him (John 11:45 NKJV).
Everything we go through is ultimately to bring glory to God. When people see us emerge from our shortfalls, they get to see God in our midst. This causes them to believe in Him and become part of the kingdom. God uses our situations not only for us to emerge and see Him in a new light, but also for others to see and believe in Him, too. Every time we go through tough situations, all we need is to look at how God brought us out from past emergencies. We can be assured that He will deliver us from our subsequent battles.
This picture shows the fetal position of a baby in her mother’s womb. Medical experts assert that this position is the best position for the baby to be birthed. Similarly our Great Physician (God) wants us to be in this position as it is the best position for us to be in, for Him to birth our dreams and birth us into our destiny. If you look closely at the baby in her mother’s womb and tilt the baby’s bottom down to the left so that it is on the same line with her head (see picture below), then you’ll see that this position is a prayer position.
Don’t forget what 911 means with regard to God’s purposes: vision (the baby), prayer (fetal position), death (the sacrifices of the mother), breakthrough (breaking through the birth canal), birth (complete delivery of the baby, which usually takes place at the last minute). Regardless of what we face in life we can be rest assured that we will be protected if we dial up God’s emergency phone number. It’s also 911; Psalm 91:1 to be precise.
HE who dwells in the secret place of the most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty (Psalm 91:1 NKJV).
The scripture above lets us know who abides under God’s protection. A 911 person abides under God’s protection. This person dwells in God’s secret place. In this place there is worship, prayer, giving of thanks and of alms. This person is simply a giver of themselves and their resources (like Cornelius). This person also lives a fasted life, which is a form of dying to self, death or denial. The secret things are things done in private to God. This is part of why they are secret. They are not done to impress anyone but to please God our protector and deliverer (Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18).
I encourage you to be a 911 person. I encourage you to dwell in God’s secret place. I encourage to love people and live a life of prayer, worship, giving and self denial; not as a formula but as a way to please our father in heaven who sees what you are doing in secret. For this He will reward you openly. He will move in your life so that you can emerge and see who you are in Him. And so that you can emerge and see the following declarations happen in your life:
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. Just open your eyes, and see how the wicked are punished. If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home. For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you up with their hands so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone. You will trample upon lions and cobras; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet! The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation” (Psalm 91:1-16 NIV).
Nine Eleven Part 3
Let’s look at an emergency in the Bible and I’ll elaborate further.
Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair. So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.” When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it” (John 11:1-4 NIV).
I would like you to view Lazarus as yourself and as your baby. Sometimes, not only are we pregnant with dreams, ideas, visions, and desires, sometimes we are the pregnancy. Sometimes we are also the person that is about to be birthed, step out, break out or be unleashed into a new level. Lazarus was sick and his sisters sent word to Jesus. Like those sisters, what is a term often used to describe sending word to God? Prayer.
Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days (John 11:5-6 NIV).
Interestingly when Jesus heard what had happened to Lazarus He stayed where He was two more days. Do you feel like Lazarus’ sisters sometimes? You’ve prayed to God about your Lazarus situation. It is dying. It is going under. The bottom is about to fall out. You are desperate and in need of His help, but He does not move. It feels like God did not hear you. But this is not true because the scripture said “Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days.”
God may not move, but he heard your prayer. He heard it the first time, and he heard it the millionth time. It’s not that God will not move; it’s that He will not move when you want Him to. I’m sure you are tired of hearing the cliché that says that God may not move when you want Him to, but He will be there on time—which is usually at the last minute. Even so, because we feel God is not moving we think that He does not love or care about us. Sometimes we feel like we may have done something wrong and God is upset with us and punishing us.
That is not true. Remember the 99 in the wilderness? Sometimes we are like those “9x11s.” They were right with God and were placed in the wilderness. God did not forget about them. In fact He trusted them not to go astray. They were mature and obedient. He knew they were strong and dedicated enough to remain where He placed them. In due time He would go back to them and continue to nurture them. Likewise, God does the same with us.
The passage actually started off saying how Jesus loved Martha, her sister and Lazarus. This throws out the thinking that we are going through what we are going through because God does not love us. He does. He loves you very much. He loves you like He loves Lazarus and his sisters. It’s one thing if the scripture said that Jesus loved Lazarus but not his sisters, or loved Martha but not Lazarus and Mary, or loved Mary and not the other two. He loved them all. He loves you too. He loves your dreams and He loves you. He loves the pregnant woman and the pregnancy. He loves the visionary and the vision. Make no mistake about it. You might be in a 911 situation. You might be in an emergency. Realize that it is an opportunity for you to emerge and see God move in your life because He loves you.
After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.” His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep. So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, (John 11:11-14 NIV)
Sometimes in an effort to speak by faith, we put a positive spin on a negative situation. However, some people don’t get it. So you just have to be straight up with them like Jesus was with the disciples. They thought Lazarus was just sleeping and Jesus got real with them and told them that he was dead!
“… and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him” (John 11:15 NIV).
One reason why God does not move immediately to resolve our situations is because He wants us to believe. If God moved quickly on some of our requests, somehow we’ll find a way to give credit to everyone but God. There is the tendency to think that the situation was resolved because of our quick thinking, our education, our experience, our expertise, our connections, our network of friends—or because we pounded the pavement, made multiple phone calls, fasted 40 days, prayed all night on our face, and blah blah blah.
I’m not saying that we don’t do our due diligence. I’m not saying we don’t make phone calls, work hard, or do what we are supposed to do. I’m not saying that we should not exercise spiritual disciplines like fasting, praying, worshipping and giving, which Cornelius and some of the people in the examples I presented earlier, did. I am saying however, that we should not get caught up on our hard work and spiritual disciplines. Sometimes we overemphasize those activities and disciplines and subordinate God’s role in the resolution of our situation. After all, Mary and Martha prayed to God—so to speak. But their situation was not resolved immediately.
While we should exercise biblical principles like giving, praying, fasting, we should not elevate the principles (spiritual disciplines) over the “Principal” (Jesus). If we do, we are inadvertently saying that we got our blessing from God because of our hard work; whether physical, spiritual or intellectual. May I remind you of the parable of the vineyard? The workers who “worked” longest thought they should get paid more, but they didn’t. Every worker’s wage was determined by the goodness of their employer. Our blessings, resolution to our emergencies, and the birthing of our visions are determined by the goodness of our Father. It’s because of His favor on our lives.
In resolving our problems our Father can and will ask us to do certain things. Then we can reap the fruit of our obedience. However, we should not be presumptuous in doing something because somebody said that’s what they did to get their breakthrough. Let’s keep things in perspective. Moses fasted 40 days, twice, and yet did not get into the Promised Land. In fact I find it ironic that in both fasts he ended up with the “law” (ten commandments), which he broke, “first,” the first time out. The law is about what you can and cannot do. That thinking can influence us to do things whether physical or spiritual in order to resolve our situations. My emphasis is that we do not get caught up on methods but on the Messiah.
So then (God’s gift) is not a question of human will and human effort, but of God’s mercy. (It depends not on one’s own willingness nor on his strenuous exertion as in running a race, but on God’s having mercy on him) (Romans 9:16 AMP).
On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days….When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home. “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” “Yes, Lord,” she told him, “I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world” (John 11:17, 20-27 NIV).
Jesus asked Martha if she believed that He was the resurrection and the life and she responded by saying that she believed that He was the Christ. That’s not what Jesus asked her. Sometimes we get spiritual with God. He asks us a direct question to see if we believe in Him and we give Him a spiritual answer, which often suggests that we don’t really believe. Hence to help us believe He does not move as quick as we want Him to.
Another reason why God does not move as quickly as we want Him to, is because He wants Lazarus to die. Sometimes you cry out to God saying, “Help me! This relationship, business, or vision is dying!” And God says, “You mean it’s not dead yet? Ok. Tell me when it’s dead.” Sometimes we are trying to resuscitate what God wants to kill. There are visions, situations, activities, persons that God had no part with, in our lives. And they can hinder us from birthing. There are things that we started on our own; things that were initiated by us and not God. God needs those things dead, away, or separated from our lives completely so that He can do a new thing in, and for us.
Nine Eleven Part 2
If you read the whole of chapter 10 of Acts, you’ll learn that what Cornelius wanted was a relationship with God. The thing that God told him that Peter was going to tell him to do, was how to receive salvation.
While Peter was still speaking these words, the Holy Spirit fell upon all those who heard the word. And those of the circumcision who believed were astonished, as the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out on the Gentiles also. For they heard them speak with tongues and magnify God. Then Peter answered, “Can anyone forbid water, that these should not be baptized who have received the Holy Spirit just as we have?” And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of the Lord. Then they asked him to stay a few days (Acts 10:44-48 NKJV).
Salvation was the vision. By receiving Christ Cornelius and His household became newborns (birth), and their old selves passed away (death). The instruction for them to reach out to Peter who would tell them how to receive salvation, came to Cornelius in a vision, while he was praying. He then got his breakthrough when he and his household got saved and were baptized in the Holy Spirit. Their salvation and baptism in the Holy Spirit speaks volumes.
First, Salvation is of the Jews first and then the Gentiles. Gentiles are non-Jews. This is another classic example of those who were last receiving the same thing as those who were first. The Gentiles, Cornelius’ household, received the same salvation that the Jews received. Not only this, they were also baptized with the same Holy Spirit that the Jews received on the day of Pentecost (Acts 2). The last received as much as the first. The Gentiles received the same blessings as the Jews.
Furthermore, people have wondered why Cornelius’ household received the baptism of the Holy Spirit before they were baptized in water. That in itself is another prime example of the last being first and the first being last. Usually, the process is that a person receives salvation, then gets baptized in water, and then the baptism of the Holy Spirit. In Cornelius’ case, he and his household got baptized in the Holy Spirit before they got baptized in water. The last (Holy Spirit baptism) became first, and the first (Water Baptism) became last.
I have an opinion why they got baptized in the Holy Spirit before they got baptized in water. This is not to suggest that this is the absolute reason why this took place or that this is the only correct answer to why they received the experience in the way they did. This is just an opinion. My opinion is derived from Peter’s response to their baptism in the Holy Spirit:
… Then Peter answered, “Can anyone forbid water, that these should not be baptized who have received the Holy Spirit just as we have?” And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of the Lord. Then they asked him to stay a few days (Acts 10:46-48 NKJV).
After the Gentiles received the Holy Spirit the Bible says “then Peter answered.” When there is a “then” in a phrase we can get a better feel of what the phrase is saying when we find out what happened before “then.” What happened was the Gentiles being baptized with the Holy Spirit; then Peter responded to their experience. His response was his command for them to be baptized in water since the Gentiles received the gift of the Holy Spirit just as the Jews did. This suggests that had they not received the Holy Spirit, Peter would not have baptized them in water.
God had to show Peter three visions in order to prepare him to receive and go to Cornelius’ house (Acts 10:9-23). Apparently despite the visions and God’s move on the lives of the Gentiles, Peter still had a problem being comfortable around Gentiles. This is evident when he was confronted by Paul some time later about this issue (Galatians 2:11-14). I believe God had to baptize Cornelius’ household with the Holy Spirit in order to let Peter know that they could be baptized in water too. Had that not happened, I believe Peter would have just preached to them and left.
The children of Israel also exemplify people who underwent a 911 situation. Like I said earlier, 911 is having a vision, praying for it to come to pass (to come and to pass), dying to yourself to birth the vision and get your breakthrough, which usually happens at the last minute. The Promised Land was the vision. Moses had to intercede through prayer for the Israelites to be birthed into the vision. Meanwhile for forty years most of them who were rebellious had to die off in order for the younger ones to get in, or be birthed into the vision. And as revealed in Deuteronomy 1:1-3, after 40 years passed and all the rebels had died off, on the last part of the 40th year; the first day of the 11th month to be precise, they were 11 days from their breakthrough.
The same concept of 911 is seen when a woman is about to deliver a baby. We are like women trying to deliver babies. In our everyday language we say things like “that’s my baby.” Meaning that the baby is my project, my dream, my vision, my plan, my desire and so forth. The baby is like the vision which is first conceived by a woman. Most, if not all women pray to conceive and pray for strength to deliver. They pray for their babies to come into their womb, and pass out through their birth canal so that they could be birthed when it’s time for them to be.
While she is carrying the baby the woman has to die to herself to enable the baby to be birthed. She has to sacrifice habits and her normal mode of operation to ensure that the baby is birthed with no complications. Some, if not all women, throw up. Similarly, we all have to die to ourselves and make some sacrifices to birth the dreams, visions, ideas, desires or babies that God has placed in the wombs of our hearts. Sometimes we have to throw up some people and habits out of our lives so that we can birth our babies.
Joshua and Caleb could have made it into the Promised Land in 11 days, forty years before they did, but because of the people they were affiliated with they couldn’t do so. It makes me wonder what you and I could have accomplished had we thrown up or let go of people that we needed to let go from our lives. Perhaps you could have been in the pinnacle of your career now. Perhaps you could have been in the thick of your destiny now. Maybe you could have been married with children now. Perhaps your career and marriage would be much better now had you let go of certain people from your past, earlier. Whichever case we have to die to ourselves and make sacrifices to birth our visions.
And the vision or baby is usually birthed at the last minute. Ask the average mother and she’ll agree that the baby is birthed at the last of the birth process. This takes place after the baby breaks through the birth canal. Interestingly, the point where the baby’s head is first seen is called crowning. Obviously this has to do with the crown of the baby’s head. Notwithstanding can you envision that the ordeal, 911, or emergency you are going through is because God is trying to crown you? God is trying to manifest your royalty in your life. God is trying to lavish you with favor. We have been made unto God, kings and priests (Revelations 1:6).
Here is another glimpse of what 911 looks like for us as it pertains to God’s purposes:
So Jesus told them this story: “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away! (Luke 15:3-7 NLT)
I know that multiplying 3 and 33 will give you 99, but the emphasis is on 911. So when you multiply 9 and 11 you get what? Yep, 99. The lost sheep usually takes the cake, makes the headlines, and gets the award. Rightfully so; because there is more joy in heaven over a sinner who repents and returns to God, than 99 others who are righteous, do not need to repent, and not strayed away.
Did you notice where the shepherd left the 99? He left them in the wilderness. Sometimes 911 people are individuals who are left in a wilderness situation. Such situations are like emergencies. This is the case because being in the wilderness is like being in a dry place. It feels like God is not present, which was the case because he went to rescue the lost sheep. Sometimes we feel that we messed up and God has left us out of anger. To the contrary. Sometimes being a 911 person in a 911 situation (the wilderness) is God’s way of complementing us. He is proud of us that despite our wildernesses, we haven’t strayed away. We remain committed to His cause. We still trust Him, don’t need to repent or have our minds changed or renewed because our minds are fixed on Him. And despite our circumstances He keeps us in perfect peace. (Isaiah 26:3)
Therefore we can view a 911 situation as an emergency (emerge-and-see)—an opportunity for us to emerge and see God move in our lives. This is where God shows up and resolves your situation at the last minute. This is when you birth your baby or vision in the last hour.