6. COOPERATE WITH YOUR ANGEL

Much can be deduced from how Isaac found his wife. Isaac’s dad, Abraham, engaged the chief servant of his household to find a wife for Isaac. He charged him not to find a wife from the Canaanites amongst whom they lived. He asked his servant to go to his country to find a wife amongst his relatives. This reinforces the wisdom of marrying within God’s family (Gen 24:4). The servant was concerned that if he found a woman for Isaac, she may not be willing to leave her family to come live with Isaac (Gen 24:5).

Abraham assured him that God would send an angel to go before Him to help with the task of finding Isaac a wife (Gen 24:7). This was when I discovered that there is an angel responsible to go before you to help you find your spouse. But, I have a question for you: Is your angel going before you, or is your angel chasing after you? Are you giving your angel a nervous breakdown? Is your angel losing his wings because of you? Are you making your angel contemplate retirement? Is your angel going to the other angels saying, “Hey, you wanna switch assignments with me?” Michael is known as the war angel. Is your angel always going to Michael, asking for backup? To which Michael responds, “Again??!!” Are you frustrating your angel? Please cooperate with your angel.

7. PRAY

Having been given assurance that God will send His angel, the servant proceeded to look for a wife for Isaac. He got to a well and began to pray for guidance (Genesis 24:12). Friend, make no mistake about it, prayer is necessary, not only to find your mate, but also to fulfill everything God plans for you. Praying for someone to marry is more effective than preying on someone to marry.

8. USE DISCERNMENT

In his prayer, the servant told God that he would ask a woman to give him water to drink. If she agrees to give him a drink and offers to water his camels, then let her be the one that God “chose” to be Isaac’s wife. Before he finished praying Rebecca showed up and fulfilled everything he requested from God. But something strange happened. The scripture says that the servant was silent watching her while she was watering the camels, to see if God had made his journey successful (Gen 24:21). I was dumbfounded.

What does he mean by “if God made his journey successful?” She agreed to give him water, and she volunteered to water his “ten” camels. Case closed! God just fulfilled everything he asked and he is still wondering if the mission was successful. Why didn’t he just tell her that she was the one for Isaac? What was he waiting for? It was while I was pondering about this, that it hit me. I now discovered why so many of us make poor choices in relationships.

Many people have prayed for God to guide them to their mate. In some cases, shortly after they prayed, someone showed up. This person looked the part. This person quoted scripture. This person spoke Christianese. Like Rebecca, they fit the profile. But unlike the servant, the person who prayed did not watch the potential to see if God truly hooked them up. You see, it’s one thing for Rebecca to say that she will give him a drink and water his ten camels. It’s another thing for her to actually do what she said she would do. This was what the servant was watching. Is she who she said she is? It was after Rebecca watered ALL the camels that the servant now put a ring on it. It was after she fulfilled her word to him that he gave her jewelry and revealed to her, his mission and her relevance to it (Gen 24:22).

Even though you’ve prayed, please don’t be quick to think the first person that comes before you is from God. I encourage you to use discernment. Before you plan the wedding, contemplate your wedding dress, figure out who your best man will be, or whether the nuptials will be in the Sistine chapel or on a beach in Venice, slow down and watch your prospect. Does the person walk the talk? Watch the person’s fruit, not gifts. Watch His or her character, not charisma and talent.

9. DON’T LET YOUR FAMILY HOLD YOU BACK

After the servant verified that Rebecca was the one for Isaac, he went with her to meet her family. He told them about his mission and what happened. They were all excited. The servant and his entourage stayed overnight. The next day he wanted to leave with Isaac’s bride. But the family said that they should wait ten more days, then after, they could go. The servant was not willing to wait. He told them not to “delay him” (Gen 24:56).

That was when another nugget hit me. One of the reasons why some single people who want to get married, are still single, is because their family members are holding them back. There are many single people like Rebecca. They know God has someone for them. The Holy Spirit has revealed this to them, like the servant revealed it to Rebecca. But unlike Rebecca, they haven’t moved. They haven’t taken a step out of their comfort zone by faith toward the person God has for them. Sometimes this is because they have, perhaps, inadvertently, let their family members hold them back. Please don’t let your family hold you back when God has told you to move forward.

10. YOU HAVE A CHOICE

After the servant demanded not to be delayed, Rebecca’s brother and mother decided that they should ask Rebecca if she wanted to go with the man. Rebecca said, “I will go” (Gen 24:57). If you have never studied this story closely, you might have thought that Rebecca didn’t have a choice. You might have assumed that she went along just because it was required of her. That is further from the truth.

Rebecca had always had a choice. She had a choice even before the servant left Abraham. If you recall, the servant asked Abraham what was to be done if she was not willing to come (Gen 24:5). Rebecca did not become Isaac’s wife just because some stranger said “the Lord told him that she was the one for Isaac.” She married Isaac because, though God revealed him to be her husband, she chose to marry him. Rebecca had a choice. And so do you. Please don’t go along with someone just because they tell you that God told them that you are the one for them. If God told them, He would tell you, too. You have a choice. Please choose wisely.

I once learned the story of a man who wanted to get married. He wondered where he could find a good woman. He concluded that church was the best place to find such a woman. So, he went to church. He didn’t go to church to build his character and develop a relationship with God. He went to church to find a woman. And find a woman he did. They got married. Unfortunately, the marriage didn’t last. It was a disaster. The man was deeply hurt. Consequently, he concluded that church women were fake.

There was also a lady that was looking for a husband. She wondered where she could find a good man. She reasoned that church was the best place to find such a man. So, she went to church. She didn’t go to church to grow in faith and develop a relationship with God. She only went to church to find a man. And find a man she did. They got married. Unfortunately, the marriage fell apart. She was devastated. Consequently, she concluded that church men were fake. It turns out that the man she found was the other guy who also went to church to find a wife.

The point I’m making is derived from what leadership expert, Dr. John Maxwell, describes as the law of magnetism: Who you attract is not determined by what you want, but by who you are. Paul said it best when he wrote that we reap what we sow (Gal 6:7). Please have this principle in mind as I discuss ten tips that will help you find the right mate for your life.

1. MEN SHOULD LEARN HOW TO TREAT WOMEN

Prior to pairing Adam with Eve, God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden to tend, guard, and keep it (Gen 2:15 AMP). This act of God helped me realize that women are like gardens; they need to be tended, guarded, and kept. A guy who understands and employs this truth, will enjoy the fruit of his garden. It’s in the best interest of men to pay attention to their women, water them with affection, fertilize them with love, and help them uproot any weeds of insecurity. The man that does this will help his woman blossom with beauty. Such a man is a prime candidate to win a Godly woman’s heart.

2. BE A HELPER

When God decided to make a wife for Adam, He mentioned a word that helps us know the kind of person He sets up for marriage. In fact, He said the word twice. He said He was going to make Adam a “helper.” The second time the word is mentioned, the scripture reads, “but for Adam there was not found a helper …. (Gen 2:20).” This was when I realized that God does not set everyone up for marriage. He only sets up helpers. Not hellions, not hell-raisers, and not “help mes.”

If you’re not a helper, I encourage you to surrender to God and let Him make you a helper. Vegas may set everyone up, but Jesus only sets up helpers. God did not decide to make Adam just any woman. He made a woman that was a helper. A lady that is a helper is a prime candidate to win a Godly man’s heart. Needless to say, being a helper is not exclusive to women. Men are to be helpers too.

3. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE RIGHT PERSON AND THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU

God didn’t just make Adam a helper, He made him a helper suitable for him (Gen 2:18 NIV, NASB); a helper comparable to him (NKJV); a helper just right for him (NLT); a helper adapted and complementary to him (AMP). You may find someone who is right, but not right for you. You may find someone who is suitable for a starring role in a Hollywood blockbuster. You may find someone who is just right for the cover of Sports Illustrated, Swimsuit Issue. And you may find someone who is right for your fantasies, but not adapted, complementary and right for you. God wants to give you someone that fits you, not someone that only gives you fits.

4. LET THE HOLY SPIRIT HELP YOU

Before Jesus’s departure, Jesus told His disciples that He will send them another helper, the Holy Spirit (John 14:16). This Helper will teach them everything (John 14:26). This Helper will guide them into all truth and only speak what He hears from the Father (John 16:13). Not only is the Holy Spirit the best Person to help you become a helper, He will also teach you everything. He will guide you into all truth, which must include the truth of who you should marry.

5. LOOK FOR A MATE WITHIN GOD’S FAMILY

Many singles are struggling to find any mate, let alone a Godly mate. And the few good prospects they come across seem to be few and far between. In some cases it seems non-Christians have better character than some Christians. Yet, Christian singles are told to marry other Christians. Though it appears your options are limited, it’s in your best interest to marry within God’s family. Even so, I’m not encouraging you to marry just any Christian. I’m encouraging you to marry a Christian that’s just. I’m encouraging you to marry a Christian that’s Christ-like.

How can you tell if a particular believer is Christ-like? Jesus gave us a clue. While teaching a group of people, He got word that his mother and brothers were looking for him. He responded by asking who his mother and brother were? He answered His own question by saying that those who do the will of His father are His mother, brother and sister (Mark 3:33-35). In essence, family is people that do God’s will. Not only should you look out for a Christian doing God’s will, but I encourage you to be one.