A friend of mine once told me about a surprise that was sprung on her. My friend, Zichi, is a heartwarming singer. She had a desire to learn and play the guitar. She prayed to God to help her get a guitar. Her preciseness to hit the right notes when singing, also extended to her choice of guitar.

She didn’t just want any guitar; she wanted a specific kind of guitar—one that cost quite a bit of money. While she prayed to God to help her acquire such a guitar, she also worked and saved money for her musical instrument. For Christmas, she was given a surprise gift. A few of her friends and her sister contributed some money, bought her a gift, and wrapped it in a package.

By the size and shape of the package she could tell that they surprised her with a guitar. However, deep down, in her heart she wasn’t too excited about the gift. The wrap around her package was the wrap for a cheap guitar she didn’t want. What could she do? She had to show some gratitude for what was done for her.

She opened her package, and to her surprise and delight, she discovered that they bought her the guitar she had been praying for. We both agreed that her experience reinforced the wisdom in not judging a book by its cover—in this case, a package by its wrap. Sadly, that’s what many of us do. It’s my understanding that marketing specialists exploit this flaw in decision-making to sell products.

Why do you think celebrities, attractive individuals, and eye-catching ads are used to lure us to buy products? More often than not, we are influenced to buy a product, not because of its attributes, but because of the attributes of the celebrity endorsing it. When it comes to buying paper towels, carpet cleaners or other household products, accepting or rejecting these items based on their appearance and endorsements might not be disastrous.

The same, however, cannot be said when it comes to people. I can’t imagine how many men and women have suffered unnecessarily by getting into relationships simply because they were captivated by the looks of the person they got involved with. How many businesses have gone south because the hiring managers chose the wrong candidate because the individual’s charisma and fabricated resume dazzled them in the interview?

Many a woman has ended up in a mess because she wanted a guy who looked like Brad Pitt. And after the look-alike got what he wanted from her, he left her in a bad pit. Many men want a lady who looks like Halle Berry, Megan Fox or Kim Kardashian. They wanted a bombshell, but when the bomb exploded they were left shattered with the debris of their lives scattered everywhere.

Of course, God can bless you with an individual with good character who is as attractive as the aforementioned celebrities. The point I’m making is that sometimes we’re too quick to choose someone “solely” on their looks. We give the wrong people a promotion, a seat on the board, a position as a business partner, a place in the church’s leadership, a significant place in our hearts just because they catch our eyes and tickle our fancies.

Don’t judge a book by its cover; judge it by the writings in its chapters. Don’t judge a package by its wrap; judge it by the package in the wrap. Don’t judge a person by the color of her pupil, the chisel of his physique, the texture and length of her hair, the brand of his clothes or her outfit. Judge them by their character.

Integrity cannot be deduced at first sight. Authenticity cannot be ascertained on impulse. Godly wisdom and discernment is necessary to help us make informed decisions. Even the prophet Samuel, one of his kind, though briefly and inconsequentially, fell prey to making the wrong judgment call based on looks.

After Saul, Israel’s first king, was relieved of his position, God asked Samuel to go to the house of a man named Jesse to appoint one of his son’s as the next king (1 Samuel 16:1). Jesse had eight sons. When Samuel arrived at Jesse’s house, after seeing Eliab, Jesse’s eldest, Samuel presumed that Eliab was God’s chosen. Eliab looked the part. But the Prophet, Samuel, was wrong. God redirected him to David, the youngest, whom prophet and parent overlooked for the position. In correcting Samuel’s error God made a statement that encapsulates the theme of this writing: 

But the Lord told him, “Samuel, don’t think Eliab is the one just because he’s tall and handsome. He isn’t the one I’ve chosen. People judge others by what they look like, but I judge people by what is in their hearts.” (1 Samuel 16:7 CEV)

Interestingly, later on, Eliab, whom Samuel mistook for God’s appointee, criticized David when he came to inquire about a battle between the Israelites and the Philistines (1 Samuel 17:22-28). Eliab was part of the Israelite army. David was not. Goliath was the Philistines’ top fighter. He breathed threats against the Israelite troops, and all the Israelite soldiers, including Eliab, where quaking in their boots (1 Samuel 17:4-11). David, the overlooked choice, took care of Goliath (1 Samuel 17:32-51). Something Eliab, the obvious choice, couldn’t do.

Who would have thought that a ruddy-looking teenage boy with no military experience, whose pastime was playing the harp and singing in harmony with the bleating of sheep, would kick Goliath’s butt (1 Samuel 16:11-12, 23)? Have this in mind when you’re tempted to overlook a potential employee because he or she does not have a ginormous resume, or when the lady or gentleman you could develop a relationship with doesn’t look like Salma Hayek or Denzel.

Don’t just dismiss someone who could potentially transform your life, turnaround your business, propel your ministry, make your heart flutter, or help you fulfill your destiny, just because the person’s appearance does not give you goose pimples. Discern wisely. Ask God for help. Allow His wisdom to enter your heart, and His knowledge of the person’s character to be pleasant to your soul. So that discretion preserves you, and His understanding keeps you from making the wrong decision (Proverbs 2:6-15).

In the words of John C. Maxwell:

People are like icebergs. There is much more to them than meets the eye.

Would you care to share a time that you made a decision based solely on the appearance of a person or a product? How did your decision turn out?

I remember that day like it was yesterday. On a Wednesday night, several years ago, I was about to express my feelings to a lady that I had been interested in for a few months. She fit the profile. She was a Christian. She loved God, loved people, served in church and demonstrated a Godly lifestyle; and oh, I almost forgot … she was hot!

She looked like the one, smelled like the one, and talked like the one; even the birds were singing that she was the one. Before I approached her, I went to God first. I simply prayed that if she was my mate He should make it all work out. If not, I prayed that the relationship would not even start. Moments before speaking to her, my heart was beating like a stop watch. Butterflies were doing the tango in my stomach. Despite my nervousness I still shared my feelings with her.

I was right. She was the one; but she was the one for another guy. She turned me down. I was disappointed. Nevertheless, I concluded that it was for the best and managed to move on. About two years later, I developed feelings for another prospect. Perhaps she was the one. She also fit the profile. You know the works: active in church, loved people, loved God, seemed to live right and she was attractive.

Again, I prayed to God for His will to be done. Then I went to speak to her. Unfortunately … oops, I mean, fortunately, she rebuffed my attempt to get to know her. I felt she blew me off. I was ticked off. I shouldn’t have been upset because I had already laid my plans on the altar. It turned out that she simply was not interested in me.

In both cases, I was rejected. Since I had prayed to God about my intentions before approaching the women, I concluded that God allowed the women to refuse me because neither was meant to be my mate. Equally as true was the fact that I wasn’t the one for them either. This experience inspired me to check my heart, my attitude, and my readiness to be in a relationship. I decided, in the grand scheme of God’s perfect plan, this had to be a win-win for all.

I know it sounds odd to view rejection in a positive light. I believe, however, that God employs rejection for our benefit. I believe this so much so that I embarked on a journey to find out how rejection can be a good thing. In this quest, I found out that rejection is actually a gold mine. I discovered that many people who are successful in life were rejected. Not only were they refused, but the rebuff was the catalyst for their success.

Many a woman is crying out for her Boaz, the quintessential Godly man who is wealthy, influential and typifies Christ. I would suspect that if a lady wanted to end up with a guy like Boaz, she’d need to do what Ruth did to snag him. If I asked ladies what drew Boaz to Ruth, I’d probably hear the usual responses: she was virtuous, humble, feared God, obedient, faithful, obtained God’s favor and so forth. All true. But if I asked Ruth what it took for her to end up with Boaz ­— what it was that sealed the deal — without disregarding the relevance of the aforementioned virtues, I wouldn’t be surprised if she referred to one experience which was the icing on the cake of her character.

If you’re familiar with Boaz and Ruth’s story, you’ll remember when Ruth met Boaz at the threshing floor. Do you recall their exchange? Ruth asked Boaz to be her kinsman redeemer or close relative (as some other translations phrase it). Boaz agreed to her request, but mentioned that there was another redeemer who was next in line and ahead of him to marry her. Boaz told Ruth that he would approach the man and ask him to redeem her (Ruth 3:6-13 NIV).

Boaz went to meet with the other redeemer. He first asked the man to redeem her property, which she inherited from her deceased husband’s family. The man agreed (Ruth 4:1-4). Then he asked the man to marry Ruth. The man refused (Ruth 4:5-6). Bingo! Ruth ended up with Boaz because the other man refused to marry her. Ruth trekked the road less travelled inside rejection to end up with the man God chose for her. Had the other man not rejected Ruth, she wouldn’t have ended up with Boaz. She wouldn’t have been David’s grandma, and she wouldn’t have been in Jesus’ ancestry.

That account is why I suspect that Ruth would have said her experience of rejection was what helped her marry Boaz. Some of the details of the rebuff Ruth experienced explain how God uses rejection for us. The close relative agreed to redeem Ruth’s family inheritance, but he refused to marry Ruth. He wanted her property, but he didn’t want her. Ladies, does that sound familiar? Have you ever run into a guy who wants your property … your body, but doesn’t want you? God uses rejection to get you away from a guy who only wants what you inherited from your mum to a guy who wants all of you.

Furthermore, as an Israelite, the close relative was a child of God just like Boaz. As a kinsman redeemer, he was like Boaz. This man was related to Boaz. He was similar to Boaz; but, he was not Boaz. Ladies often stumble into a guy that looks like Boaz or seems like God’s best for them. Like the close relative, they run into a guy who is “closely related” to the kind of man they are praying for, then conclude that he is the one for them.

The fact that the guy was ahead of Boaz in the pecking order speaks volumes. This alludes to how some women end up believing that the first Christian man that crosses their path is their mate. When faced with this situation how can you avoid a Boaz look-alike who leads the pack and navigate to the man that God intends for you? Sometimes God allows you to be rejected by the impostor in order to redirect you to your Boaz. And when the road of rejection leads you to him, he might not be wealthy and influential like the biblical Boaz, but he will be Christ-like, responsible, and right for you.

If you’re like Ruth: you’re loving, faithful, virtuous, humble, compassionate and fear God, and yet, you feel like Christian men are ignoring you or turning you down — be of good cheer. You’re not being set back. You’re being setup for your Boaz. Wipe your tears. Raise your head. Shake off any shame that the enemy may have tried to implant in your head about your worth. You’re God’s prized jewel being preserved for the right man for your life.

Having learned of lust thus far, how can we overcome lust? I believe the underlying principle for us to overcome it, is revealed in a native Cherokee Indian story. A boy went to his grandfather and told him that he is always angry. The grandfather told the boy that sometimes he is angry and upset, and sometimes he is happy. The grandfather went on to say that sometimes he feels like there are two wolves in his heart. One is always angry, gives in to fear, and always wants to fight. The other is always happy, peaceful, loving and just wants to make friends. And both wolves are always battling in his heart. The boy asked his grandfather which of the wolves wins the fight. The grandfather said, “The one I feed.”

There is a war going on in us between our flesh and our spirit. The one you feed determines who wins the fight. If you feed your flesh, lust will control you. If you feed your spirit, you will control lust. The following scriptures validate this:

For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life (Galatians 6:8 NKJV).

If you sow to your flesh you will stimulate your lusts and they will corrupt you. If you sow to your spirit you will live the God-kind of life. You will experience the lifestyle God has for you and benefit from the privileges that come with living the Zoe—the God-kind of life.

I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh (Galatians 5:16 NKJV).

So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves (NLT).

But I say, walk and live [habitually] in the [Holy] Spirit [responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit]; then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and desires of the flesh (of human nature without God)( AMP).

In order to feed your spirit and starve your flesh, you have to position yourself with people and in places that lift up your spirit. And this will be accomplished when you let the Holy Spirit lead you. Furthermore, feeding yourself with God’s Word will enhance and motivate your spirit. When this happens, the Spirit of God through the Word of God will instruct you to avoid or leave Gaza.

In other words avoid people and places that stimulate your flesh. Unplug the power supply to your flesh. Stay away from people that influence you in the wrong direction. Stay away from places that instigate you to yield to your lusts.

Stay away from every kind of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22 NLT).

Avoid every kind of evil (NIV).

Abstain from every form of evil (NKJV).

To avoid simply means to create a void. Therefore when you avoid something, someone, or someplace, you create a void between you and the thing, person or place. However, that void needs to be filled with God’s Word. If not, the void will be filled with the old junk and you will be back in the same lusts you were before, and even worse off.

Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41 NKJV)

…Stay alert; be in prayer so you don’t wander into temptation without even knowing you’re in danger. There is a part of you that is eager, ready for anything in God. But there’s another part that’s as lazy as an old dog sleeping by the fire.”(MSG)

Prayer helps us avoid entering temptation. If we don’t pray, we will be susceptible to entering temptation. We will be vulnerable to going to Gaza. Dr. Joyce Meyer once said, “Temptation may come to you, but don’t go to it.”

Maybe you are already in Gaza. Maybe you are already in an environment and with a person that arouses your lusts. In this case you have to flee from that environment. Take off!

Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts (2 Timothy 2:22 NLT).

Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart (NIV).

That scripture highlights a vital process that God uses to deliver us from ungodly situations. There are two parts to this process. God delivers us from, and delivers us to. Unfortunately, someone might allow God to deliver him or her from something or someone, but not allow God to deliver him or her to something or someone else better for us. God delivers us from darkness and delivers us to light.

For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, (Colossians 1:13 NLT)

He delivers us from lust and delivers us to righteousness, faith, love and peace, and to people who live for God. If we don’t allow God to do the second part of the deliverance process, it will be a matter of time for us to back-track into the things that He delivered us from.

When we feed our spirits by feeding ourselves with God’s Word, being led by the Holy Spirit, avoiding or cutting ourselves off from the wrong things, wrong people, and wrong places, then we can bear the fruit below.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! (Galatians 5:22-23 NLT)

If you noticed, part of the fruit above is self-control. Feeding your spirit will give you control over your lusts. You can’t stop your flesh from having lusts because they are part of your human nature, however you can control your lusts. And once again, controlling yourself by feeding your spirit with God’s Word, obeying the Holy Spirit, praying, and avoiding all evil will help you overcome lust.

What is a fatal attraction? To understand this I looked up the words “fatal” and “attraction.” I discovered that something is fatal when it is deadly or capable of causing death, destruction, misfortune, ruin or failure. I also learned that an attraction is a person or thing that draws, attracts, allures or entices. It is also a characteristic or quality that provides pleasure.

Therefore when we combine the two words, a fatal attraction is a person or thing that draws, attracts, allures, entices and is deadly. A fatal attraction is a characteristic or quality that provides pleasure and is capable of causing death, destruction, misfortune, ruin or failure.

A number of things can fit the description of a fatal attraction. But the number one thing that comes to mind that accurately depicts a fatal attraction is lust. Lust is a passionate or overwhelming desire or craving. The Greek word translated as lust in the Bible is epithumia. Young’s concordance describes epithumia as over desire, Strong’s describes this as a longing; especially for something that is forbidden. It also describes it as an evil desire.

But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own evil desire (lust, passions). Then the evil desire, when it has conceived, gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is fully matured, brings forth death (James 1:14-15 AMP).

The scripture above shows us at least two things:

1. We all have lusts. It’s in our eyes and our flesh (1 John 2:16).

For the desires of the flesh are opposed to the [Holy] Spirit, and the [desires of the] Spirit are opposed to the flesh (godless human nature); for these are antagonistic to each other [continually withstanding and in conflict with each other], so that you are not free but are prevented from doing what you desire to do (Galatians 5:17 AMP).

When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God (Galatians 5:19-21 NLT).

More often than not, when people think of lust they think of the big three: sex, alcohol and drugs. But lust includes a whole lot more than them. As the scriptures above reveal, idolatry (worshipping of idols, whether things or people), quarrelling, hostility, uncontrolled anger, wild parties, selfish ambitions, lust for power, recognition or attention are all lusts of the flesh.

2. Lust progresses in three stages. Apparently we lust in three stages, which I’ll like to call LSD (Lust, Sin, Death):

a. Lust draws us away and entices us.

Because we have lusts in our flesh, we are going to be drawn to something or someone. That thing or person that we are drawn to may or may not be good for us. Notwithstanding, the lusts in our flesh will cause us to be drawn. There is nothing wrong with this; and there is nothing you can do about the lusts that are part of our human nature.

Even so, it’s one thing to be drawn; it’s another thing to be drawn away. This is where we get in trouble; when we are drawn away. If we don’t exercise proper self control we will be drawn away. We are tempted and enticed when we are drawn away from God’s will, God’s Word, our responsibilities, our purpose or from what is right. If we don’t control ourselves, ourselves (lust in us) will control us and lead us to the next stage—sin.

b. It conceives and gives birth to sin.

Sin goes through its own progression and then leads to death.

c. Sin when it has fully grown gives birth to death.

I’ve learned that death is a systematic breakdown of an organism or organization until it ceases to exist. More often than not we think of death as someone suddenly dying or collapsing to death. This is actually the end of death. True death is systematic and gradual. We can see this in Adam and Eve.

They yielded to the lust of their flesh and it gave birth to sin, which gave birth to the death of mankind. The minute we are born we begin to die. In Adam’s time, people were dying at around 900 years plus. Now people are dying naturally around 70 to 90. Furthermore, Adam and Eve’s story gives us a glimpse of the LSD process. Satan exploited the lust of Eve’s eyes and her flesh to eat the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Before Eve ate the fruit she looked at the tree and saw that it was desirable to make one wise, then she ate (Genesis 3:1-6).

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it (Genesis 3:6 NIV).

By eating she sinned; so did her husband. Then they died. They didn’t collapse immediately, but we see that death was imminent spiritually, and gradual physically. Their lusts led to their sin, which led to their death. Satan used lust to draw Adam and Eve away from the tree of life so that they could eat from the forbidden tree. Similarly he uses lust to draw us away from our Tree of Life, Jesus, to lead us to sin, then to our deaths or separations; whether of our marriages, businesses, relationships or purposes.

Does the name, Phil Knight, ring a bell? I must admit, I didn’t know who he was until I saw him in a recent interview. During this interview he disclosed that up to the time he was 14 years old he was sure of becoming a big league baseball player. But his plans came to a crashing halt when he was cut from his high school baseball team.

Consequently, he ventured into track. This led him to the University of Oregon where he ran track for their legendary coach, Bill Bowerman. Their coach and athlete relationship evolved into a business partner relationship. Phil started importing shoes from Japan to help improve the way athletes run. In 1964 Phil and Bill started their company, which was formerly named Blue Ribbon Sports. In 1972 they began making their own shoes.[1]

While you might not know who Phil and Bill are, chances are that the current name of their company will not only ring a bell in your ears, but also ring loud like the sound of a gong or chimes of the clock of a cathedral. They are the cofounders of Nike. But how did they get to this point? What was the turning point that led Phil Knight to co-found a company that currently has 36000 employees globally, 7000 employees in Beaverton, Oregon, and a 2010 reported revenue of $19 billion?[2]

I suspect that hard work and best business practices were involved in their success. Notwithstanding, my focus is on what happened to Phil Knight as a teenager. He was rejected! He was cut from his high school baseball team. That rejection became his redirection. That was his turning point. Getting turned down from one sport turned him on to become a person considered the most powerful man in all sports.

Likewise, God uses rejection for a purpose; to redirect you to your purpose. When we are heading in the wrong direction, God utilizes rejection as the detour to reroute us in the right direction. Phil Knight did not let the rebuff from high school baseball slow him down; rather, he put on his running shoes and bolted in another direction. What initially looked like his rude awakening turned out to be his great awakening.

The rejection not only led him to be a successful businessman, it also led him to a legendary coach, mentor, friend and business partner. This is akin to how God uses rejection for you and me. He uses it to get us from the wrong people and wrong plans (often our plans) to the right people and right plans. His plans for our lives. Being rejected is not the end of your life; it’s just a means to an end for your life. And that end is your destiny.

If you get rejected, I encourage you to take a note from Phil knight’s response to being dismissed from his high school’s baseball team. Don’t cave in. Don’t despair. Don’t wallow in self pity asking questions like, “What’s wrong with me?” Ask the question, “What’s right for me?” And to answer this question, put on your “running shoes” and pursue other opportunities awaiting you.

You’ll never know what they are, who they are, or who he or she is until you get up from the floor adjacent to that closed and bolted door wired with an ADT alarm system, and move on with your life. People may tell you that you can’t be it, you can’t have it, or you can’t do it. But through Christ you can do all things. God will use their rejection to redirect you and help you realize that you can just do it; the right “it” for your life.

[1]Oprah, “Nike’s Phil Knight,” http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Nikes-Phil-Knight/1 (accessed April 27, 2011).

[2]Nike, http://www.nikebiz.com/company_overview/facts.html (accessed April 27, 2011).