I was watching a popular Christian program in which a minister was being interviewed. This man was revered and popular in a major segment of the church. The gentleman mentioned how God brought his wife to him. He simply said that God revealed to him that a particular lady was his wife. He went ahead and divulged this information to the woman in question. In essence, he told her that God said she was his wife. This, of course freaked her out, and she ran for the exits. She bolted! She must have thought he was crazy. I don’t blame her. Eventually, she came back to him. They got married. They seem to be a very happy couple. Apparently He was right about what God told him.

Notwithstanding, I believe that most people who have to tell individuals that God told them they are supposed to marry them, are often off base. The guest in that program, as time has told, was right, on his assessment. His experience in getting his wife is not the norm; it’s the exception.

In life there are certain slangs that we use in order to look cool. In Christendom, there are certain lingos that Christians also use to make them look cool or spiritual. One of those lingos is: “God told me….” It is a wonderful thing to be used of God. It’s self-fulfilling to know that God told you to do something, you did it, and it came to pass. Wow! It’s awe-inspiring. Although God can, and does speak to us personally, it is not always that clear. At least, for me, it isn’t. Especially when the alleged speech from God deals with spending your life with another human being—with a mind of their own.

I think one of the things that get some of us in trouble, especially when it comes to finding a mate, is thinking that God told you something when He did not. It seems God speaks very loudly about someone for you if the person is very attractive to you. Is that God or is it your hormones? Is it the God of love talking to you, or your natural “love concoction” whispering sweet nothings in your ears? Is the Holy Spirit prophesying to you or is your emotional soul “prophelying” to you?

A lot of singles want to do what the guest in the show did to get his spouse. But they’re not willing to do what he did to get to the point where he could hear God clearly enough to make that bold declaration. He dated God to find his mate. Some of singles just want to date to find a mate, and then throw God in the mix. It doesn’t work like that. Are you trying to find a date to mate? I think the best approach is to find a mate to date; not the other way round.

By date to mate, I mean actively looking for just anyone available to date and then marry. By mate to date, I mean looking out for not just anyone, but someone who demonstrates the characteristics of a husband or wife, a mate, to date and then marry. Perhaps this explains why Proverbs 18:22 starts up by saying he who finds a wife—not he who finds a girlfriend. I believe this also applies to she who finds—or is found by a husband, not she who finds, or is found by a boyfriend. The same passage ends up by saying, obtains favor from the Lord. In other words, God makes this happen. He gives you the favor to find the mate to date. Apart from Him, we exert the fervor to find the date to mate and often end up irate and filled with hate.

The bottom line is that finding the right mate for your life is through God’s help. And if God ever told you that someone was your spouse, it will happen. If God spoke it, He will bring it to pass like He did for the man in the program. I will not recommend that you tell your prospect what God told you though. Not unless God explicitly instructed you to use that approach.

If God told you anything, He would also tell the prospect in question. God usually sends a go-between to connect you two. God was the go-between between Adam and Eve. God through Eliezer who somewhat symbolizes the Holy Spirit, was the go-between between Isaac and Rebecca. Naomi was the go-between, between Ruth and Boaz. An angel was the go-between between Joseph and Mary, the mother of Jesus.

Part of the problem is that some people begin a relationship with God today, and begin to talk about God telling them to marry someone, yesterday. In fact, some people who’ve had a relationship with God for years err regarding God telling them to marry someone or do something. How much more those who are just starting a relationship with Him? Furthermore, sometimes God brings someone to your heart just for you to pray for the person, not for you to prey on the person. At times He brings someone to your attention not as your life partner but for another purpose.

1. O. J. Toks, While You Are Single (Paoli, PA: Elevator Group Faith, 2015), 260-262.