Several months ago, a gentleman walked up to me at the end of a Bible study I attended. We exchanged pleasantries and began small talk. During our conversation he asked me if I was married. I told him I was not; I was waiting on God. He responded by telling me that I also needed to do some looking.

Apparently he assumed I was sitting on my couch, with my eyes closed in worship, waiting on God to drop a woman on my lap. My clichéd response must have given him that impression. What I didn’t tell him was that I was already in a steady relationship with a remarkable woman. What I also didn’t tell him was that by waiting on God, I meant I was allowing Him to continue to remove any lingering kinks in my life that could interfere with my relationship. I kept these thoughts to myself though.

The man then asked me how old I was. I told him 36. He reacted by saying that it was definitely time. This I interpreted to mean, time to be married. In fact, his abrupt response to my age suggested to me that I should have been married already. It implied that I was overdue for matrimony. I also kept this thought to myself.

What does age have to do with being ready for marriage? It’s not your age that determines whether you’re ready to be a spouse. It’s your maturity; spiritually—and practically. There is a mindset that suggests that the older you are, the more mature you are. Generally speaking, that may be true. But this is not always the case.

There are people who are under 25 and are wise beyond their years. And there are people who are over 40 who have the wisdom of—a teenager. Though it may seem to be a rare occurrence, being married in your early 20s does not always spell disaster. And being married in your 40s does not guarantee success.

You’ll be successful in marriage when you obey God in marrying who He wants you to marry — when He wants you to marry (spiritual) — and doing what you’re supposed to be doing when you’re married (practical) — whether you’re 25, 35 or 55.

Years ago, I attended a service at a church. The speaker that night was a lady whom I looked up to. From time to time, I approached her for advice. She was one of leaders of the church. The lady was in her 50s and she was single.

I saw her as a spiritual fire ball. She was a woman of God, full of the Word, baptized with the Holy Spirit, knew how to preach, and flowed in the prophetic. She was a leader of leaders. That’s how I saw her. I still do. On that night she shared an experience, which was recent to her at the time. She mentioned that she was dating a particular guy. When she said that, I was shocked!

If you’re a lady in your 50s, please pardon my ignorance. My naiveté led me to believe that single ladies at that age have closed shop from being married. I figured you’re done with seeking to be in a relationship, and you’ve embraced the celibate life. That was why I was shocked. I was even upset because I didn’t know she was dating anyone. She didn’t tell me.

Judging from my reaction to her revelation of her relationship, you probably figured that she made the right decision in not telling me and most of the congregation about it. Besides, who am I? This further reveals the wisdom in not telling everyone your personal business. However, that’s a topic for another time.

The lady mentioned that she had gone to a particular place with the man she was dating. She mentioned that she had gotten into an argument with her beau. She said he placed his hands on her shoulder, and she couldn’t quite recall what happened next. All she remembered was that people were pulling her off him. Let me say that again: People were pulling her off  him.

Apparently, touching her shoulder triggered a response that caused her to snap and attack him. This led people to come and intervene and pull her off him. This is not meant to throw darts at this brave leader of a woman who became vulnerable in sharing her ordeal. In fact, I respect her more for her transparency than for my perception of her and her position in the church.

I share that story because of the age stereotype. Being a certain age does not mean you’re ready or not ready for marriage. Your biological clock does not set the time for you to go on the altar. God does that. I recall Pastor Joel Osteen saying that God does not do things according to our due dates, but according to His set time. Wait for it. Exercise patience.

Marriage is for the mature. You can be 45 and be immature. You can be 25 and be mature—just enough for whatever God plans for you at the time. This is why God can appoint a teenager named David to be the king of Israel in the midst of other “mature” candidates (1 Samuel 16:1-13). This is why God can tell Jeremiah not to shrink back from fulfilling his call because he felt he was too young (Jeremiah 1:4-7). This is why Paul tells Timothy not to allow people to despise his youth (1 Timothy 4:12).

On the other hand, God used 80-year-old Moses to begin to deliver the Israelites from Egypt (Exodus 7:7). God also enabled Zechariah and Elizabeth to have a son at an old age (Luke 1:7-64). The God of then, is the God of now, because He’s the same yesterday, today and forever (Heb 13:8).

If you’re better than 35, interested in getting married, and no one seems to be on the horizon, be encouraged and keep your head up. I believe that 30 is the new 20. This means, if you’re 40, you can view yourself as 30. It’s just my opinion, so you’re not obligated to accept it. However, Psalm 84:11 is valid for your acceptance. It says that God will not withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly.

The Hebrew word, towb, translated as “good” in that verse is the same word translated as “good” in this verse: He who finds a wife finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). So if you’re trusting God for a spouse, which is a good thing, God will not withhold a good spouse from you. Therefore, if you feel like a good spouse is being withheld from you, then it’s for one of the following reasons:

1. The person in mind is not a good thing (God won’t withhold good things. He withholds bad things).

2. The person is good, but it’s not a good time (God withholds in our due dates. He releases at His set time).

3. The person is good, but is not good for you (You might think he or she is good for you, but God knows he or she is not the best fit for you. He knows best).

4. The person is good, is good for you, but you’re not good for them (you’re not ready, not the right fit for them, or not upright).

God does not lie. If He says He’ll do something for you, He’ll do it for you. He does things for your benefit, not for your detriment. He will not withhold any good thing from you—if you’re upright. If you’re down wrong, let Him pull you back, up—right. The challenge, especially for those of us 30-somethings and beyond, is that we think we’re more mature and ready for marriage just because we’re older.

Meanwhile, little foxes hide underneath the leaves of our assumed maturity and spirituality. And just when we decide to venture into marriage, they rear their ugly heads and bite at the vine of our relationships, snapping them in two (Song of Solomon 2:15). God does not want that to happen to you and me. That’s why He hires patience to prepare and mature us,so that we don’t lack anything (James 1:4).

What are your thoughts on this?